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40 year old Lesbian - Out - Spiritually Broken

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sanguine_chick
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2009
February 5, 2012, 8:49 am

hi princess fiona, it was great to have met you both last friday. i hope to see you again. thank you for sharing so much of your journey with us.


hannah


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Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
February 5, 2012, 1:42 pm

hey Princess Fiona…..soooo cooooool to meet you face to face on Friday night….and your partner……I trust you were glad you took the plunge and connected on a non cyberspace level…..and glad to know you got a copy of my autobiography….at a reasonable price……hehe

Anthony Venn-Brown

LGBT Consultant and professional coach, working with gay, lesbian, bisexual clients and those questioning their sexual identity

Strategic Coming Out – Married & Gay – Faith Sexuality Conflict – Living Authentically – Life After the Closet

Author of 'A Life of Unlearning – A Journey to Find the Truth'

Co-founder of Freedom 2 b[e]


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Mother Hen
 
Joined in 2011
February 5, 2012, 5:55 pm

Hi Princess Fiona,


I'm so pleased you had a wonderful time last Friday at the F2B meeting :) So wonderful to meet people face to face. It's fantastic your partner went with you. Did she enjoy herself?


Anthony is wonderful it's great you got to meet him. Hopefully what you get out of future meeting's is also worth while despite the pain you suffer.


I really hope you make it to the next one on March the 2nd as that is when hubby and I will be down. Would really love to meet you face to face, and your partner.


Well done.


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Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
February 5, 2012, 9:41 pm

Quote from Princess _Fiona on February 4, 2012, 1:45 pm

P.S Anthony your such a wonderful man for co-founding this site and being such a vocal voice out there in community and with church leaders etc. Was nice to meet you face to face, your as down to earth as I thought you would be. :)


Basically I am just a dag. As a preacher I had a different persona….and people often commented that they found me different to other preachers…….you are real…people used to say.

Over the last 7 years (since the autobiography came out) i seem to have lost that a bit and become too intense and serious. Spending too much time in the intense space of peoples faith/sexuality conflict, reading and responding to too many tragic emails for readers, walking tightropes engaging with church leaders, trying to wake up the LGBT community to the needs of LGBT people of faith. etc etc. Working voluntarily 40-60 hours per week didn't help. Got burnt out toooo many times.

this year one of my goals is to reclaim the old fun loving, light hearted, silly self…….this is the real me. I think I will be able to balance both spaces.


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Princess _Fiona
 
Joined in 2011
February 6, 2012, 1:33 am

Hi Anthony


It was nice to meet you, as I said, you are a down to earth, caring guy that took the time to say hello (usually has had a fairly good insight into who someone really is first up). Had a little giggle that you didnt know it was me first off, from what I was saying …..giggles…gottcha.


My girlfriend usually won't meet new people in a large setting, especially if its people that I know or interests that I alone have. So I was so proud of her and happy she was nice enough to make a huge effort for me in taking me and meeting up afterwards with me, so I could chat to others. As I've talked about the night since then, my girlfriend has agreed to coming with me again to see The Cure docoumentary and is considering us attending before for lunch…..thanks again to all who made us feel welcome in saying hello.


You said

Quote from avennbrown on February 5, 2012, 9:41 pm

Basically I am just a dag. As a preacher I had a different persona….and people often commented that they found me different to other preachers…….you are real…people used to say.

Over the last 7 years (since the autobiography came out) i seem to have lost that a bit and become too intense and serious. Spending too much time in the intense space of peoples faith/sexuality conflict, reading and responding to too many tragic emails for readers, walking tightropes engaging with church leaders, trying to wake up the LGBT community to the needs of LGBT people of faith. etc etc. Working voluntarily 40-60 hours per week didn't help. Got burnt out toooo many times.

this year one of my goals is to reclaim the old fun loving, light hearted, silly self…….this is the real me. I think I will be able to balance both spaces.


I think sadly its to common a thing that a good hearted person like yourself ,that is passionate about helping others and to see change (help implement it in sharing your journey so openly with others) in the community.


In my years of working in the community sector through either a full time job or added voluntarily hours through church community arm etc, your hours clock up pretty quickly way past the usual 38 hours. Of course your heart and desire to serve in this way can drive you way past your bodies limits……(can only imagine the burntout you felt at times). I don't think that many people stop to think just how taxing it can be at times and people always seem to pop up with needs…is hard to say no at times or refer someone on or limit your time with them. Thats why this site is so amazing, each F2ber helping out with encouragement and own stories of what helped them etc. Sure takes pressure off one person or the select few.


As for losing ones fun self and light hearted nature etc, good on you for making it a goal for you to reclaim that back. Nice to just sit with friends/mates , relax unwind and have fun (look out everyone might see Anthony raging through the long hours of the night at clubs now lmao…only kidding).


Thinks I too need to rediscover the real me or allow that person to shine through……all will happen in time as I work through things. :)


Yes I was so happy to grap that one copy of your book the other day, am looking forward to reading it…..lets you off the hook from coming to read it to me personally for that astronomical price it was way back on Amazon..hehehe.


Hugs and wishing you a great year!


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Princess _Fiona
 
Joined in 2011
February 7, 2012, 1:33 am

Hi Hannah


Was a pleasure meeting you and others. Right from the start as I walked in you instantly welcomed me with a hug and made me feel so comfortable. (*claps* good job being the greeter for the night) :) . Enjoyed chatting with you afterwards and others, I am looking forward to watching The Cure documentary and has paid for my tickets the next day. Looking forward to talking more with you again and watching part of your story on the documentary.


Hugs


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Princess _Fiona
 
Joined in 2011
February 7, 2012, 1:47 am

Hi Mother Hen


It was a good night, glad I went. My partner didnt go to meeting but meet up with us afterwards, I so appreciated her driving me. She didnt say anything negative or any bible bashing comments hehehe so thinks she thought we all are an okay group of people (don't have 3 heads and speak a foriegn language)lol. She did say I owe her for agreeing to go to the up coming documentary (The Cure), but was only joking. I also booked us tickets at same time to see a nice film during Mardi Gras with a popular Actress Olympia Dukakis, so I'm not just taking her to Christian things. :) Has to respect she has her own personal views, although am happy she is taking into account my needs. We may attend a lunch before seeing The Cure with everyone, left her to think that one through and get back to me.


It was great to see people face to face and know that there is someone on other end of this forum. Would love to see you in March, just not sure where the venue is yet and it going to be fairly busy in city day before the parade. So will have to see how I go. Am going to visit my mum, in April for a week, has booked tickets already. So if your around that time maybe we could catch up for coffee if mum is nice enough to give me a loan of her car.


Hope all is going well for you.


Hugs


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Mother Hen
 
Joined in 2011
February 7, 2012, 10:31 am

Hi Princes Fiona,


Yep just see how you go for the March meeting, not sure where it is either yet haven't looked it up.


Depends on when in April you are coming up, we are away from the start of April until the 15th. If you are up after then would love to catch up :)


God bless


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Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
February 7, 2012, 12:05 pm

having a partner from a non-faith background can be very challenging for the non-faith partner I have observed.

It is often difficult for them to get what is really going on and the internal conflicts we go through resolving our faith sexuality conflict. They just dont get it.

As I often say…..if you have a partner from a Christian background who has sorted out their 'stuff'…..you have a partner with great qualities and values that will strengthen the relationship. If they are screwed up though about the faith sexuality conflict you have a can of worms on your hands and the self loathing and tooing and froing over is it okay for me to be gay usually destroys the relationship.

Its great to have a partner who will be accepting, supportive and non-judgemental and allow us to work through this stuff.


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Linda
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2006
February 8, 2012, 10:16 pm

Hi Princess_Fiona!

So glad you found your way to f2b! Your story has so many similarities to mine! I think its under "my story, Linda finding her way.!" Its amazing the difference it makes to know omg I'm not the only one who has gone through this! It would make for a very interesting conversation! My r/ship with God is still possibly "on hold" Good thing he has lots of patience. However I have spent some time with some wonderful ministers who have played a huge part in helping me feel loved in Gods eyes and I haven't really returned to church on a regular basis in 6 years. So the journey continues but at least now you are doing it as the true you!

I could go on but enough said for now…..

Nice to meet you in this space, Linda


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HillsBen
Youth Coordinator
Joined in 2008
February 8, 2012, 11:54 pm

Hi Princess_Fiona,


I am so happy that you made it along to the freedom2b meeting on Friday night. I still remember my first one and how scary it was. How did you find it emotionally?


I am sorry that we didn't get a chance to have a chat. Hopefully we can at 'The Cure' screening. I look forward to meeting your partner too! :)


And next time Paul is in Sydney I can introduce you if you like. He's a great guy and pretty relaxed.


Congratulations on taking a brave step in coming to the meeting. I am so pleased that you enjoyed it.


Ben


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grebo5454
 
Joined in 2010
February 9, 2012, 7:13 am

Hi Princess Fiona


It's great that you were able to attend a meeting. Everyone is just so lovely and friendly. My hubby and I will be at the 2 March meeting before Mardi Gras and would love to meet you and your partner also so hopefully you will be able to make it then. Better get ready for work.

Love and hugs

Helen xxx


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Rainbow Girl
 
Joined in 2011
February 9, 2012, 9:31 am

Hi Princess_Fiona….I was so happy to read that you went to a F2b meeting! It's great you met all those people and have made connections with some amazing new friends. I hope you keep attending the meetings and functions they have available for our community. Its great your girlfriend went with you too, sweetie :)

Hugs and love to you

Rainbow Girl


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Princess _Fiona
 
Joined in 2011
February 10, 2012, 1:25 pm

Hi Linda


Thank you for your posting, its nice a chat to another face on f2b. Also good to know there are people out there who's journery is smiliar in alot of ways to mine. As you know it can sometimes be a lonely journey and I've done it alone for way to long (8 years). Time to change that and turn that around. F2b is an amazing place to be and I'm so glad that I found it in my googling search for Gay accepting churches.


I would get alot I think out of having a chat with you as you said


Quote from Linda on February 8, 2012, 10:16 pm

So glad you found your way to f2b! Your story has so many similarities to mine! I think its under "my story, Linda finding her way.!" Its amazing the difference it makes to know omg I'm not the only one who has gone through this! It would make for a very interesting conversation!


I did look for your story and found it was reposted on page 2 I think. Not sure if that is the whole postings, as it skipped years. Will take some time to find the whole thing and read through. Perhaps if you don't mind, I could message you. Somethings are hard to post in a public forum, although I do my best to be open and honest as I can be.


Look forward to perhaps chatting with your further, take care and once again thank you for your encouragement


Hugs


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Princess _Fiona
 
Joined in 2011
February 10, 2012, 1:35 pm

Hi Ben


Thanks for your posting and encouragement. I'm sure you did introduce yourself as I walked in (sure that was you) and I understand that I came in a little late and afterwards was a busy time. I was told there were a few new faces which is great to hear. I ended up being quite excited rather than scared during meeting. Hardest part funny enough was the after part of socialising (has spent way to long on my own without friend due to losing them all when I left church). I can come across confident, which at times I am and everyone was so welcoming, which helped me relax. I did make a comment to my partner that night driving home that I noticed that I tended to talk way to much, when I got a little nervous with the conversation (normal I guess when you share personal stuff). Opposite to my partner who just clams up lol.


Thanks for the offer to introduce me to Paul next time, something to look forward to. :)


Hugs


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Princess _Fiona
 
Joined in 2011
February 10, 2012, 10:46 pm

Hi grebo


Thanks for your posting, I did enjoy last friday's meeting, your right, all I got to talk to were nice n friendly. Looking forward to other meetings to come and hearing there stories and learning from others (I always learn alot from just chatting to people). Good that you and your hubby will be in Sydney for Mardi Gras, hope you have a fantastic time. Just might get to see you at March meeting, if all works out okay.:)


Take care.


Hugs


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Princess _Fiona
 
Joined in 2011
February 10, 2012, 10:59 pm

Hi Rainbow Girl


Thanks for your encouragement and your posting. Hope things are going good for you over the ditch. :)


Its always hard at first to start off in any new adventure….and f2b is certainly a journey indeed. What a great bunch of accepting, non judgemental people, who just happen to be non hetrosexual…nice to be amoung people who understand the pain that the majority of Christian churches inflict on those who are seen as different in there eyes (sexual diverse). F2b is a safe place where I can be myself and start to see that there are christians out there and good people of faith who are loving, caring and accepting.


All a huge step out of comfort zones and a little stretching at times, but am hoping that the end result will be a more happier inner spiritual me……takes time of course…shame we can't rush these things and exit out the painless door if there was one. (smirks)


Take care


Hugs


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Princess _Fiona
 
Joined in 2011
February 15, 2012, 10:00 am

Hi All :)


Got my hands on a copy of Anthony's book second addition, through amazon. Customs were nice in processing my parcel, mustnt be a busy time, it arrived yesterday afternoon. I was amazed that since it was out of print a new copy suddenly appeared……thinking I must need to read this book to help with where I am at. So am going to make a cup of coffee (or will I need something stronger in reading…hehehe kidding Anthony) put my feet up and get reading.


Hope your all doing well.


Hugs


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Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
February 16, 2012, 10:09 am

Quote from Princess _Fiona on February 15, 2012, 10:00 am

Hi All :)


Got my hands on a copy of Anthony's book second addition, through amazon. Customs were nice in processing my parcel, mustnt be a busy time, it arrived yesterday afternoon. I was amazed that since it was out of print a new copy suddenly appeared……thinking I must need to read this book to help with where I am at. So am going to make a cup of coffee (or will I need something stronger in reading…hehehe kidding Anthony) put my feet up and get reading.


Hope your all doing well.


Hugs


welcome to the intimate details of my life…..hehe


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jamesn
 
Joined in 2009
February 25, 2012, 1:45 pm

we all have a different journey and something wonderful, albeit at times painful, to share with others.


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