Forums » Straight Friends, Family and Supporters » A Mother's Journey 12 mths on

A Mother's Journey 12 mths on

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Mother Hen

Joined in 2011

December 26, 2011, 5:23 pm

It was 12 mths to the day our son "Mr Summit" came out to my husband and myself and told us he was gay. For those who don't know my story you can read it here http://www.freedom2b.org/forums/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=1544 so I'm not repeating myself. Yes it was a bit of a shock and as parents we had something’s to adjust to, issues to sort out etc. However our love, acceptance and support of our son never wavered. Our youngest son (Mr Summit's brother) also had some adjusting, and things to work through as well. I should point out that my husband is just as supportive, loving and accepting of "Mr Summit" as myself he just isn't a forum person. So is our daughter in law, so I guess you could say Mr Summit is pretty fortunate to have the whole family on board.

So how have things changed in our family, well I think things are pretty good at the moment, our son can be open and honest with us and live his life now as an openly gay young man. We have now told all extended family and friends that need to know that our son is Gay, so far so good

My husband and I have certainly changed our views and thoughts over the last 12mths. From a scriptural point of view our beliefs changed very quickly and for us has not been an issue. We have been to several F2B meetings and met some interesting and lovely people. We will certainly be going to more down the track. I've joined the F2B forum, It was pointed out a week ago it's only been a little over 7 mths since I joined.

For me personally (after adjusting to the knowledge our son was gay) the biggest impact on me has been the amazing, beautiful, courageous people I have met on this forum. I have been truly touched by your stories. Stories of courage, strength, sadness, pain, joy, love, hope, endurance and faith, stories that have moved and inspired me. I have been deeply saddened by stories of pain, hurt and rejection and celebrated with you in times of joy, growth and personal triumphs. I think I have become a more accepting person and I believe the people on this forum have contributed to that. The love, support and encouragement you all give each other is outstanding. Anthony started a very good thing many years ago that has only grown to be a wonderful supportive, non-judgmental place for all to come too. Everyone who contributes whether on this forum or in other ways to F2B need to take a bow and be proud of the work that has helped F2B to be the awesome place it is today.

My son encouraged me to join the forum he said they didn't have many mums like me. I have found out that some mother's and father's aren't so supportive of their gay children and have even rejected them. As a mother I find this hard to understand and it saddens me greatly. I know we have other wonderful supporting loving parents in the F2B family. Some like Sam's mum Helen have also joined the forum and offer their support and encouragement. It would be awesome to have more parents come onto the forum.

I encourage any parents reading this post who have not yet accepted their child and may have even turned their back on them to open your hearts. From mother to mother, parent to parent, this your child. Unconditional love is not about whether our children do as we ask or behave as we would want. It's not about whether you agree with them or not. Hey all our kids do stuff we are not always happy with but we don't stop loving them. I really believe there is one thing us parents, us mother's should not do and that is withhold our love from our children. Coming from a strong church background I can imagine and even possibly understand the issues and feelings you may be faced with. Friends, churches come and go, but the love we have for our children will remain with us forever.

I read this recently in a book "Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first, the lesson afterward" how true, kind of sucks. We never know what life is going to throw at us; it's in those tough times our true character comes out. I have read stories and posts of some amazing, wonderful, beautiful characters on this forum. We don't always know why we go through tough times but I do know that with the love, support and encouragement of wonderful people and a group like F2B it can help make a positive difference and help lessen the burden. I hope my little bit of input helps in some small way and it's not just the ranting’s of a crazed women ha ha.

May 2012 be a wonderful, happy, safe and healthy year for all. May it bring new and exciting things into your lives.

God bless to you all.

Ann Maree
Chief Moderator
Joined in 2008

December 26, 2011, 5:55 pm

Hi Mother Hen

We are blessed indeed to have you with us.

And no, your post was not the ranting of a crazy woman. Your support means so much, especially because, as you pointed out, there are parents who are either not accepting or who don't know about their child's sexuality.. And it's a scary thing to be LGBTI and not know how your parents will respond. And so your support gives hope and courage to many, knowing that there are some parents (maybe theirs) who will not only be accepting but champion their cause, just as you have with Mr Summit and all of us.

Thanks for appealing for more parents to come on board here. That would be a fantastic thing.

This is a very timely post too. I'm thinking of Mary, the mother of Christ, giving birth in difficult conditions to a remarkable baby who was different in so many ways. It would not have been an easy path for either of them but she was there as a supportive mother, nurturing and allowing him to grow into the person he was. And so you have done the same for your son and for us at f2b. Thank you so much.

Many blessings to you and your family,

Ann Maree

davidt

Joined in 2009

December 27, 2011, 10:26 pm

Mother Hen

What an incredible year it has been for you and Mr Summit. It has been a real story of God at work. Thank you for just accepting your son as he is. What a great example that has been for other parents too. Wonderful things can happen when people are Christ like.

Thank you for all the wonderful encouraging posts you have made here. Keep them coming. God is using those – not a doubt.

Fond regards

David

Mother Hen

Joined in 2011

December 28, 2011, 12:00 pm

Thank you Ann Maree,

I always appreciate your comments. I enjoy reading your words of wisdom and encouragement that you give to every one on the forum. You are a shining light. You do such wonderful work on the forum we are all truly blessed to have you volunteer your time.

Thankyou David,

It's wonderful kind words like yours and Ann Maree that my little bit of input does indeed help other's that encourages me to keep adding my bit. It would be wonderful if my husband and I are indeed examples for other parents. If our support of our son and my input on this forum helps other parents to be supportive of their child then wow what a wonderful blessing that would be, for us all.

God Bless

Ann Maree
Chief Moderator
Joined in 2008

December 28, 2011, 6:28 pm

Thanks very much, Mother Hen!

Blessings,

Ann Maree

grebo5454

Joined in 2010

January 3, 2012, 7:30 pm

Hi Mother Hen

My, how quickly the year has gone. I too want to thank you for your wonderful, supportive input to the forum as well. We parents have to band together to love, support, understand, encourage and "just be there" for all our new and old friends on the forum.

I won't be typing on the forum for a few weeks cause I had a bad fall while at Sam's last week and I have a displaced fracture of my left elbow and am off work for 2 weeks to start with. Darn. (It hurts a bit to type). Other than that, we had a fantastic Christmas with Sam and Ben…it was lovely to visit them again.

So on that note, Happy New Year to all my forum friends and keep up the good work Mother Hen.

Love Helen xxx

davidt

Joined in 2009

January 3, 2012, 10:07 pm

Hi Helen

I hope your injury heals well. That was unfortunate. Thanks you so much for your support of your son and his partner. I am certain that means a tremendous amount to them. What a great role model you are for other parents of gays.

In Him

David

Mother Hen

Joined in 2011

January 4, 2012, 11:30 am

Thankyou Helen for your kind words. Totally agree we have to band together to support and love all our new friends on the forum. I think we can and are making a difference when we all stand together, this year could be an interesting year.

Ouchhhhhhhhhhhhhhh on the elbow. You take it easy, it's a pain in more ways that one but all you can do is rest in these situations. As you said gives you a chance to catch up on the forum, we have some wonderful new people joined us lately.

Of course I hope you are taking the opportunity to be fully pampered and looked after. As a mother and wife you have done plenty of that for other's now it's your turn to let other's look after you.

Take care.

Ann Maree
Chief Moderator
Joined in 2008

January 4, 2012, 8:41 pm

Hi Helen

Sending some healing energy your way now. You're another great mother who we're lucky to have in this community. Get well soon.

Blessings,

Ann Maree

grebo5454

Joined in 2010

January 5, 2012, 2:14 pm

Thanks Anne Maree and Mother Hen

Bored already lol. It's hard to type with one hand when you are used to 2. Am enjoying reading all the new posts on the forum and its so good that there are soooo many new people joining us.

Love Helen xxx

grebo5454

Joined in 2010

January 5, 2012, 2:23 pm

Hi David

Big thank you to you as well for my healing. It will be better quite quick as I live by faith and my prayers are always answered.

God Bless

Helen

Mother Hen

Joined in 2011

January 17, 2012, 5:57 pm

Hi Helen,

How is elbow healing? Are you back at work now? All over the cabin fever of being at home? Hope it has all healed well, just have to keep taking it easy though as these things take a long time to fully strengthen again and no more falls

Look after yourself.

grebo5454

Joined in 2010

January 17, 2012, 8:02 pm

Hi Mother Hen

Getting there slowly thank you. Turned out there were no fractures as first diagnosed but I have soft tissue and ligament damage. Still can’t straighten or bend my elbow properly but that will get better with time. Won’t be climbing up to peg up washing next week when I’m in Sydney again. Just need to be about 6 inches taller lol.

I am back to work tomorrow so am looking forward to people company again during the day as I haven't mastered the art of dog whispering yet. I won’t be lifting any boxes or doing anything stupid for a while yet (that’s why we have juniors in our office!).

We got bad news about my husband’s sister this evening. Her chemo in preparation for her bone marrow transplant did not work so no transplant and she will be coming home from Brisbane soon and she has been given 6 to 9 months. Life is just so short and you don’t know what is around the corner. As soon as I’m home in a couple of weeks, we are going to start sorting out stuff in our house and getting it on the market so we can make our move to Sydney sooner rather than later.

This was a quote from Princess_Fiona and it is soooo true. We certainly have had our share as a family over the last 12 months.

I say all this to provoke thought in whoever maybe reading this, that sometimes for whatever the reason good faith filled people do go though periods of hardship and sometimes long periods at that.

Just talked to Sam and he said you are coming to Mardi Gras……hope that is right and if so, yeah. Will be great to meet you and your hubby if he’s coming too. He said there will be 4 sets of Christian parents there that he knows of. How exciting.

Bless you my dear forum friend.

Love

Helen xxx

Mother Hen

Joined in 2011

January 17, 2012, 8:32 pm

Hi Helen, that sort of injury to your elbow will still take while to heal and need protection for a while yet. Good excuse to get other's to lift things for you. Are you really short? needing to stand on something to hang the clothes out does sound a bit funny. Just wear some high heeled shoes next time

So sorry to hear about your sister in law, so nasty cancer. My husband's mother died of cancer a few years ago, she was a lovely Christian lady another example of bad things happening to a good person. Takes it's toll on all the family.

Yes we are going to Mardi Gras this year, walking with our son hubby and myself. Exciting and a bit nervous. We never thought we would be walking in the Mardi Gras, how things change hey. We are honoured to show our support for all the F2B people. That's wonderful that so many parents are showing their support and walking this year, several reasons great for their kids, shows other parents you can still love and support their child and we won't be there alone ha ha. Hubby just said that's the most important one hee hee. I'm really looking forward to meeting some more F2B people and you and your hubby. We are only there for the weekend, quick trip down. Accommodation is dearer at that time.

Get well, will be praying for you.

Anonymous73

Joined in 2012

March 23, 2012, 2:26 pm

Helen,

You are truly an inspiration… I hope one day i can be as supportive as you!

I have just found out my son is gay, any advice? I feel like i'm grieving a death? Is that normal?

Mother Hen

Joined in 2011

March 23, 2012, 2:40 pm

Hi Anonymous73,

I think you are off to a great support, you sound like a wonderful loving supportive mum to me.

Yes grief is normal and a part of the process, we grieve for so much, a first it's like we don't know our son, then we realise he is the same person we have always loved, but we grieve for that a first. Grieve for the lost of grandchildren, daughter in law, life as we knew it, most of all I grieved for my son, grieved for what he must of gone through in his life so far. Yes concern for his future, what people will say to him, etc. As you gain a knowledge of the LGBT community and get a better understanding of your son being gay, how he could be born that way then it all helps to alleviate your concerns.

Read the stories on this site, you will see what an amazing bunch of people everyone is, how courageous, and amazing they all are.

You will be ok you just might not feel that way at the moment, it does get better. Give yourself the time to grieve.. whatever you feel is ok.

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