Hey guys and gals,

My names Ben, I just turned 20 and I am a Christian and I am Gay. (Wow… It’s still hard to say)

I am a member of Hillsong Church, been there since I became a Christian at 16. I only recently have started to accept my self and come to the realisation that i can be me and still be a Christian.

I’ve had a pretty rough background. Was sexually abused multiple times. I have been through ex-gay programs (Yes – sadly they still exist) which do not work. Have been going through multiple bouts of clinical depression. I have been through the Hillsong S.A.F.E course which however really did help me so much.

I have been gay for as long as I can remember but for some reason you think you’ll change. After praying for years and years for God to ‘cure’ me and crying constantly almost every night I realised that he made me ME for his purposes – even if I am Gay.

Funny enough that the Psychologist I’m seeing at the moment is from Hillsong Citycare (The church’s charity arm). He is such an awesome guy and I am so suprised that he is accepting me for who I am and so helpful in this whole journey. Sure there is that traditional mindset in Him (i think) but overall he is really supportive and is a positive indicator of how the church might be in the future. Hopefully more compassionate and loving. Without Him I might’ve stayed in the closet and continued the lie.

Anyway. I am about to come out for the first time to my parents and friends. I think I am ready. Any hints or tips. Should I tell my church mates or just leave it as is with my church mates and not mention it. Because I love my church. I don’t wanna have to leave just because of my sexuality.

Also any help for trying to explain being gay and being Christian to other AOG Christians.

Anyway. I love that this site exists. Thankyou so much!!

I am looking forward to getting to know you wonderful people better.

Ben G.

thanks Sandy for pointing Ben to that thread. thats why we created it……so people could learn from each others experience.

Welcome Welcome Welcome Ben.

its so great to have you with us. When you feel comfortable with meeting up with others and you’d like to join us….then we have a monthly chapter meeting in Sydney. Every get together seems to bring new people. We had 25 at our last and about a third of those were under 30.

its great to know that you are not alone. Something many of us were not able to experience in our journey of reconciliation.

there are a large number of gay and lesbian people at Hillsong……but as yet, from what I hear…..its not a safe place to come out. I’m hoping that will change soon…..it will require some dialogue and education. Some have been asked to leave…..some are being heavily monitored. etc etc.

Ps Brians recent statement I feel is a real encouragement that a more compassionate and understanding approach is being taken. Its a great step forward and I talked about it a lot when I was in the US recently.

http://www2.hillsong.com/church/default.asp?pid=2034

I find it incredibly encouraging to have stories like yours beginning to appear on our forum……so different to the ones like mine…….it took my longer to resolve all this stuff than you have actually been alive.

PS……very brave of you to put your pick here…….good on you. If you find it causes any problems then you can always remove it.

Hey Ben!

Weclome to F2B! …especially during this time of your life!

Everybody’s story is different therefore everybody’s advice will be different so I hope you will be able to gleen some ideas from this amazing forum that helped me when I came out. A couple of suggestions that helped me included ‘keeping it positive’. I know it seems strange but by you being confident and positive makes it more of a positive experience for everybody.

With my parents I felt it was important to not allow them to start blaming themselves …you know, parents usually start reflecting ‘what did we do wrong?’ or blaming ‘I told you not to let him play with that Barbie when he was young!” …that sort of thing. Diffuse this by saying up front “…I know that there’s alot of theories that parents have something to to with me being gay, I want to tell you both that none of it is true (both scientifically and psyhologically) and to not accept it”. Your parents will also have to start coming out whenever one of their friends ask “So, how’s Ben going?” …so maybe put them in a position of strength by elimating the guilt.

As far as coming out in the church …well …there will definitely be a variety of responses (so brace yourself). You have to be confident and positive …for some, you will be the only gay (in the village) they will ever know personally so it will be very confronting for them …even morso if they love you greatly. You may lose friendships (even one’s you least expected) …but you will also gain some new friends!! In my experience I was actually surprised with the amount of love and acceptance from my Christian circle of friends …but this is not true for everybody.

The one thing that I suggest you do is to make sure that you have a solid network of people who already know and support you on your journey. For me, I would meet the F2B guys once a month as well as a few close straight friends who were keen to see me live with integrity.

Hope this helps you ‘out’.

Keep us posted!

iain

Hey Ben,

I’m 29 and I’m a homosexual.

I have to say that there are so many things you said in your story that could have just been my own words. I totally identify. You are not alone. God’s spirit is finally reaching us through all the lies we are told and guilt we have felt, and still sometimes feel. He is telling us ‘we are made for a purpose’ and that is so amazing. So gracious. PRAISE HIM!!!

I love Hillsong and I love going there. I haven’t been for ages though.

Coming out to my friends was kind of hard. A lot of Christians really haven’t had to think too hard about this topic yet, and for many they can tend to just recount the things they have been told. It’s sad, and sometimes very painful. You will know the right people to tell first, my friend. Those you share spiritual thoughts with, and who are ‘on your page’. They might grapple, feel challenged, but they know you and your journey and they will come around. All I’m saying is be prepared for the worst and you will never be disappointed. I just had mixed reactions. But over time, things got better for me and I have lots of wonderful Gay and Straight Christian friends now.

Family is hard. I don’t know your family. My family were all like ‘at last you figured it out’. Mum only cried because she thinks I won’t be able to have kids now. But I said “Ma, it’s not the 80′s” LOL. My partners family really struggle with his homosexuality. In fact he hasn’t even told them about me yet because of the quarrel it will cause. We have been together for four and a half months. That’s hard for both of us, and what you need to remember is there will always be support to help you through if you chose to embrace it.

Freedom 2 b[e] is a great network, and it would be great to see you come to the next meeting. It’s real cas, I only plucked up the courage to come along 2 months ago and I’v been on this forum for well over a year. Dumb hey. I really wish I could have been going to the meetings the whole time because they are way more chilled than I thought, and just so enriching and supportive. There are some other great young people like us, but so many experienced people who have amazing honesty and insights to share that inspire and have hugely impacted me.

The truth sets us free. It really does. It’s the first step in becoming someone who can celebrate who they are. I affirm your decision to start the coming out process and will do what ever I can to be supportive, having an understanding of how diverse the experience is for everyone.

All the best, and remember, Jesus is with you.

Phil

Hey Ben!

I am Lloyd, and I am gay and I think all these people are fantastic.

You are taking such brave and massive steps to your future, and we all know that feeling and how lonely it can feel. That in itself can show you, you are not alone, and even though we are words on a forum currently, we will support you!

Lloyd

heya Ben…

if you’re thinking bout coming to the friday night catch ups then you definately should. they’re great for so many reasons. good times.

Hey,

Thanks again all for your encouragements and warm comments. Definitely making a difference!!

My parents are both Christians. My Dad is a more liberal and recently converted Christian and my Mum has been a Christian for as long as I remember but she is very conservative. I don’t know how they’ll react to be honest. I’m hoping for the best but expecting the worst. Mum knows that things have been hard for me for a while and she constantly tells me that no matter what she will always love me. That is a positive sign but I doubt she knows that I am gay.

My Dad would probably blame himself which is why I am a little scared to tell him. I am his only son and the possibility that he might blame himself is almost too hard to think about. I’ll have to make sure that I constantly re-assure him that this is not his fault. We have never been close and I am scared that this will tear us further apart.

My sister is a very old school fundamental Christian. She is amazing but at the same time after my cousin announced she was gay (only a few months ago) I’ve heard my sister constantly recount how homosexuality comes out of ‘brokenness’ and how it is not acceptable. It’s strange and I can totally understand as this is how I used to think. Maybe I can show her the truth and what it means to be a Gay Christian.

I fully believe that if I speak out of a position of confidence, humility and respect that my family and friends will take it better. I am also excited that they’ll get to see the real me for once.

These next few weeks and months will be difficult but I will not back down. God is by my side standing with me for truth and justice, walking each and every step with me. Teaching me new things, blessing me with compassion and helping me unlearn many things. Jesus is my guide, my strength, my rock. The God that I had once blamed for all of this has always been my liberator and my refuge. I just took longer to see Him for who He really is.

After praying many years that he would change my sexuality and wondering why he didn’t answer. I know that it was not because he didn’t care but rather he loved me for who I was. “How can I change you if you are beautiful just the way you are”. I am fearfully and wondefully made by the Creator and Saviour of the universe as are all of you.

Ben.

wow. agree with orfeo… amazing words! im encouraged.

its good to be prepared Ben. One way you can do that with parents is that you can you referral networks ready if you need them.

One of those for your parents is PFLAG. http://www.pflagaustralia.org.au/ Have you heard of them.

I dont mean you come out and tell MUM and DAD……and then say…..here is a support group…..you SHOULD go.

Hehe…….that wont work.

I just mean its good to have these things when you need them. Get my drift?

Sounds like the hillsong church is the place to meet hot guys ( winks at luke ) haha apparently the F2b meetings aren’t. hey ben i so agree with you!!! being gay is hard but its worth it . God loves us no matter what and you should never doubt that cause to me every relationship has flaws without these flaws there would be no such thing as a great relationship