confused … is just one word, of many many others, that describes me at this point in my life.

I am a lesbian. married 15 years with 3 beautiful children. I adore my family and from the outside looking in we have ‘the perfect family’. I feel I made all the ‘right’ choices in life, according to my faith and the environment I grew up in. I got married at the young age of 21, when I should have still been trying to figure out who I was. I knew then that I was gay but chose not to believe it. and believed that finding a man that loved me, in spite of my past, was the only way to go. and here is why, my faith, my family and my community taught me that being homosexual was a sin. I couldn’t live who I knew I was so I chose to masquerade as a “normal” woman. I know now what a hurtful choice that turned out to be, not only for me but for my husband and now the kids. I realize that getting married was NOT part of the cure (thanks AVB)

I have been trying to use my blog as a journal, and if you are interested the link is below.

http://thejourney316.wordpress.com/

Hi again myjourney316

I’m so glad you found us. Having read the first page of your blog, you sound like a lovely, ‘normal’ woman who’s just trying to reconcile her sexuality and faith with minimal hurt to others. Your husband sounds great too BTW.

As someone who’s come out the other side from these issues, I can say it’s a challenging process but I don’t regret any of my own journey. And being in a place of peace and freedom in these areas (as I am now) is a price worthy of paying. I promise – you’ll get there too and there are lots of us here to support you on your way.

We have some great stories, people and resources at f2b. Have you seen the dvd called ‘For the Bible Tells Me So’? I highly recommend this as a positive representation of LGBT and faith. It gives alternative interpretations of scriptures commonly used to ‘clobber’ gay people. I found it very comforting and normalising. What supports do you have? And have you heard back from Peggy?

I look forward to hearing from you.

Blessings,

Ann Maree

I was married and had my first child at 19, so was young too.

I have and still am to a point, experiencing the difficulties of being Christian and lesbian. Sites like this are a great support. I am now 47 and have been divorced for about 10 years and I am in a better space now about my orientation now that I am living an almost totally authentic life, and as others have alluded to, it is a journey and different for everyone. Be blessed.

confused … is just one word, of many many others, that describes me at this point in my life.

I am a lesbian. married 15 years with 3 beautiful children. I adore my family and from the outside looking in we have ‘the perfect family’. I feel I made all the ‘right’ choices in life, according to my faith and the environment I grew up in. I got married at the young age of 21, when I should have still been trying to figure out who I was. I knew then that I was gay but chose not to believe it. and believed that finding a man that loved me, in spite of my past, was the only way to go. and here is why, my faith, my family and my community taught me that being homosexual was a sin. I couldn’t live who I knew I was so I chose to masquerade as a “normal” woman. I know now what a hurtful choice that turned out to be, not only for me but for my husband and now the kids. I realize that getting married was NOT part of the cure (thanks AVB)

I have been trying to use my blog as a journal, and if you are interested the link is below.

[url=http://thejourney316.wordpress.com/

]http://thejourney316.wordpress.com/

Welcome welcome welcome…..so glad to have you here. I trust that this site gives you lots of support and lets you know you are not alone on the journey.

I think one of the good things about posting our stories here is that we can see the progression also in peoples journeys…….some began here very confused…..but over the weeks months or years have found levels of resolution.

Each individual has different layers (eg culture and/or faith etc) and variables (eg finance, relationship with spouse, health etc), to work through. I’ve worked with lots of poeple who are gay or lesbian and in a heterosexual marriage……when sorting out what is the right thing to do right now…….children and their ages can be one of the variables we take into consideration. There probably is no perfect time to tell the kids of come out…..just probably a better time and manage and minimise harm.

you said “I made all the ‘right’ choices in life, according to my faith and the environment I grew up in”

this extract might be useful.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/GLB-Coaching/69395748049?v=app_2347471856#!/notes/glb-coaching/gay-married-what-to-do-faqs/72010016023

Mixed Orientation Marriage – What to do?

A mixed orientation marriage is where one partner is heterosexual and the other is same-sex-oriented (gay or lesbian) or bi-sexual.

The situation we find ourselves in was not one of intentional deception. (In some cultures, families and geographical areas this maybe different however, as it is a matter of survival). For most of us though, our marriages were the result of us conforming to a society, who at that time, believed homosexuality was crime, perversion and mental illness. We married thinking that it was the right thing to do and that it would help to change what we perceived was faulty within us. I know this was the case for me. I wanted to do the right thing. Having a wife and family was everyone’s goal. There are also a number of people whose same sex orientation did not become obvious or awakened till after they married. You, I, and 1000’s of others are the products of an uninformed society. We are at the fault line and our generation is the one caught in the transition.

Had the current knowledge on sexual orientation been available to us growing up, our choices would have been different. If we were born 40 years earlier we wouldn’t have ever considered coming out. If we were in this current generation we would have realized our sexual orientation is natural and normal and wouldn’t have married to help fix it or felt it necessary to conform.

Making a decision about what to do, being gay or lesbian in a heterosexual marriage, can be quite complex. It has many consequences that can include firstly our partner of course but also children, families, employment, business, friends, church, faith. The decisions we make will impact several or all of these.

Living with the internal conflict (dissonance) will eventually impact (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/stress-symptoms/SR00008_D) us either psychologically (e.g. depression), emotionally (distancing and unable to have intimacy or strong friendships) or physically (stress related illnesses e.g. high blood pressure, insomnia, ulcers etc). We need to put strategies into place to manage the stress and resolve the dissonance.

thank you for reading. sharing my heart is something i do very easily but i’ve been stiffled for so long. but now that i am TRULY able to share it … what freedom!! i’m not totally ‘out’ but God has surrounded me with so much support since dealing with this. i, too, have a surname for my blog (and here) and most people on my facebook have no idea what i am going through.

i pray your journey is going well.

journeying with you on Freedom 2 b[e] …

Hi Tony! thank you for the links. this battle within me is constant. what am i suppose to do? how am i suppose to do it? when is the best time? …. are questions that i know have no direct answer. i am glad to have found this site. my journey will be long, but is one definitely worth taking. thank you for your support and thank you for this site.

when I work with people in these situations we look at all the relevant variables….eg age….age of kids….health of the marriage and relationship….finance……many factors to weigh up and balance against each other.

the thing to work out is what is right for right now.

Hi there,

Just wanted to say a big welcome to freedom 2 b[e]. This community of people on here have given me tremendous support over the years and supported me in my rocky journey, just as we will be there for you.

Just in relation to your last comment, I do not believe people can be healed (ie. turn from gay to straight). There is no substantial evidence proving that conversion is possible. However, saying that I do believe that God CAN change people if he wanted to, but the fact is…there is nothing wrong about you to be changed. Jesus was a healer, a redeemer, a Saviour. There is nothing to heal in regards to homosexuality. Contrary to what you may have been told….you are NOT broken, you are NOT a mistake. You are made by God, for his purposes as an amazing woman…who just so happens to be a lesbian.

We are praying for you and believing for things to get easier and for God to light your path.

Ben

I just had a thought.

‘ The bible tell us that Jesus heals the sick and has power over evil – and as my sexual orientation is actually neither a sickness or a demonic spirit, that’s why he didn’t bother changing my sexual orientation even though I begged, pleaded and believed a thousand times. . I would have preferred to have blonde hair instead of dark brown as it would have shown off my blue eyes. I didn’t bother praying about that though.

thank you Ben and Ann Maree! your words are very comforting. there isn’t a doubt that God made me this way and this was not a choice. one of my biggest struggles is whether my faith allows me to live it. maybe it’s just the process of me having to “unlearn” everything that has been embedded in my being. so now i’m just waiting on my God to supply me with an overwhelming peace that can only come from Him.

Ann Maree you wrote … “pain doesn’t signify that you are wrong for being who you are or in need of healing.” … very insightful, thank you!

Hi myjourney

You’re most welcome and I’m glad our comments have been of some help.

This journey you’re on is a bit of a process I’m afraid so the peace you’re waiting on may take longer than you expect. However, as avb often says, the resources available now are so much more than in the past. So you will probably move along more quickly than those who had to deal with these issues many moons ago without sites/supports such as this one.

Sending kind thoughts and energy your way,

Ann Maree