Briefly I have posted my story of finding Jesus in a Pentecostal church in Perth. I was a minister of the UPC Pentecostal church for a few years, I could not deal with my sexuality which I had been fighting all the time and serving God. I did not think the two together were possible, as I was always preached at that God Hates you for being Gay.

It is hard to write somethings in one posting.

I remember one day just waking up and resigned from my church. No reason, I just could not go on.

I was not being true to myself and God.

I later went and spoke to my Pastor and told him what had happened, he knew I “was ” gay” before I met Jesus. I struggled with this for 7 years, fearing God and asking why he had not changed me, change my mind. my thoughts. Yet i still had a deep desire and Love for God.

The minister took me to a church which was called Rhema now Riverview, in Perth, a Pentecostal church which has several thousand members. Back then 23 years ago it was considered a large church.

The Pastor of that church and some elders, took me to a room and prayed with such fervor and devotion and such physical force over me to rebuke the devil out of me. This I recall went on for over an hour, I was a physical wreck, being shaken and pushed and people constantly screaming Jesus deliver him.This was humiliating to me and stressful. It brings up such painful memories now as I write, that I felt that I was a failure in the eyes of God. I wondered what had I done? My love for Jesus was strong, my faith in God was there. I still felt the same, “i still had feelings for a man”. This church and its members did this again for me a week later, rebuking the devil in me,

telling me I never was filled with the “Spirit of God” as God’s spirit would not dwell in an unclean vessel. Again the whole process was performed, I was even more distraught than before, leaving lost, betrayed that I thought God hated me with a vengance. I wandered for many years rejecting God. But something all the time was crying out to Jesus, I still loved Him. It has taken me years to Love Him again, when He still Loved me all the time, and never gave up on Me.

YOU KNOW WHAT THE SADEST THING IS ONLY 2 WEEKS AGO I FOUND OUT THIS SAME PASTOR, 3 YEARS AFTER PERFORMING THIS “PRAYER”

OF GETTING THE DEVIL OUT OF ME, LEFT HIS CHURCH AS HE SAID HE

WAS A HOMOSEXUAL. Brian Baker of River View Church in Perth. It was in the West Australian Newspaper for all to read. I did not know this.

The past two weeks I sunk to a low level of self esteem, for the hurt and loss of over 20 years of turning against God, because I was prayed over by a man who nearly destroyed my Faith in God. I had to find my way to God the hard way, and you know what I am glad that I did. Don’t let any man turn you away from the Love of God.

I asked an old Pentecostal friend of mine last week, was this true about Brian Baker, and they said it was common knowledge, no one told me, I did not know. He hid behind God as a “Closet Gay” man, who condemned people for being Gay. He has to answer for that.

Please understand I don’t blame Brian Baker one bit for my life, I was bruised spiritually by him and people telling me that The Spirit of God never was in my Life, because I was gay.

Don’t let any man tell you that God does not Love you.

Don’t let any man tell you that you do not have the Love of Jesus in your Life.

….All men fail, but Jesus never “Glory to His Name.”

Please not this is not a hate tirade against Brian Baker, just my experience by a Church and a minister acting in the name of God. Considering that he came out and said he was Homosexual 3 years after my ordeal.

I do hope this does not offend people. It is meant for you to find your Faith in God not others who condemn so readily.

from peter from Perth.

Hello Peter from Perth..Hoping you are well..God is always our source of power and YES for relying always on god..I guess that Brian tried to help you and used his best of faith that time to help you..Look at the intention..Yes, we all fall and god loves us to connect and help each.I am in confusion too cos bible says there are people whom were washed and sanctified BUT i do not know how does that apply to us..I hope by faith we will reach that and help each other..I love the service of helping each. By the way we are not gays, hut we are people with same gender attraction..Love your inside Peter and you Anthony..Remember to be always simple and positive..Lazzy

We all do things that we later regret.

My son wrote to me and said ‘you always taught us that it was wrong’ [to be gay].

I had never explicitly said this to my children, but between the church we chose to attend, the school they were sent to, the comments from others that were never challenged etc. I can see how they came to the conclusion that they did. And now I have to wait for them to come around and accept me.

This was my old church too – as far as I know the info about Brian Baker wasn’t in the West Australian but it was an open secret towards the end of the 90s (to put a timescale on this, he left the church in April 1989). I grew up in the church, and came out in 1996, and I heard he was frequenting the Court Hotel in mid-late 1997 from another fellow ex-Rhema person. (It was a shock to me at that time.)

I think the amount of damage the church did to a lot of young people in and around it is something its leaders will have to live with… I know SO many gay people who started off in Children’s church at Rhema or who went to the church school (RCA) and it’s been unnecessarily hard for us to deal with it. I was taught that certain things were Godly things and other things were worldly things (Much like the halal and haram concept in Islam) and to indulge even slightly the latter was to move away from God, or to disfellowship from God. I was conditioned to believe gay people had gender issues, were most likely child abusers and at high risk of AIDS. This started for me as an “intervention” of sorts when I was 11 years old, and was a continual message being pumped out. Try that balanced against rather specific attractions to similarly-aged friends (never acted upon but no less real) and it’s not hard to see it was 7 very scary and confusing years of my life.

I not only can relate to the OP’s one-time feeling of “lost, betrayed that I thought God hated me with a vengance [...] wandered for many years rejecting God” – but I know many others too. When I left the church at the age of 17 (for unrelated reasons, but basically that I couldn’t reconcile what the church was saying with what the church was doing by that time in its history), and *especially* when I realised I must be gay… oh my god, it took me like 3 months to just calm down and get back to any normal sort of living. I felt horrible, sinful, like something was wrong with me. And – well you know this but I’ll say it anyway – there wasn’t anything wrong with me. I had done nothing wrong. I was the way I was created by God. I don’t know why I was this particular way, but God evidently intends us to treat it exactly the same way as anything else we get given – with respect and dignity for ourselves and our fellow man. I’m now in my 30s and, yeah, I have done things I have regretted in my journey to get here, but I’m here.

You are NOT alone. I really hope that you know this. And also, that the message coming from the church was not a Christian one, it is not one that can be found in the Bible, it was not the word of God, it was just some well meaning but ignorant/conservative people’s view of how things should be. Like you I do not blame the church for this. I honestly believe they believed what they were doing was right. (The revelations about Brian Baker’s newfound atheism actually convince me of this further.) But it took me to read the Bible the whole way through at age 20 to realise that the message the church had given us would be like, I don’t know, if you took a good novel or the Star Wars story and started putting random out-of-context snippets together in a consecutive order until it tells the story you want to tell. And a lot of people might well believe it, especially if it’s well-packaged and attractive.

Hey Peter,

It makes me think that maybe your situation helped Brian to discover himself. knowing what happened to you and your outcome in some way helped him to cope with the same himself. And maybe he used your struggle as his strengh to pull through it himself.

So maybe your pain has become his gain. And how that he is outted and dealing with all the same stuff you went through I’m sure he only has apologies for you now. what does that mean to you now? Probably not much, But you should touch base with him if you feel up to it and offer your hand of support. we should all be here for each other. Including those who have hurt us in the past. especially those!! if we dont forgive and accept those people then we are just as ignorant as them!

Hi avb

I’d be interested in reading Brian’s story. I feel for those traumatised ministers you speak of and can understand why it might be just too painful to associate with either Christians or the LGBTIQ community. It saddens me because I hate to think of people being separated by pain, hate, unforgiveness etc.

I agree very much with your statement:

“Getting through the maze and finding resoltion at all levels is a miracle in itself”. There’s a lot to process and I think having a forgiving attitude or allowing forgiveness to occur is only part of dealing with the layers.

It’s good that you’ve had contact with Des Penny. I don’t know him but it’s nice to hear that some ministers and ex ministers are able to connect with you and others in our community.

Hi Brian

Welcome to this site. It’s great to have you here. I really appreciate that you have had the courage and taken the time to share some of your story with us. It sounds like a complex and difficult journey, as with so many of ours.

Are you British? I lived in London for 6 years and miss it. When were you last there?

I’m interested to know more about your transition from pentecostal Christian to atheist if you feel like writing.

All the best to you,

Ann Maree

Hi Brian,

Indeed – agree with the two comments above mine – thanks very much for having the courage to post openly on here, I for one much appreciate it. As mentioned above I also used to go… you’d probably remember me and my dad.

And I can confirm what you said re the end of your time at the church – I was at the 30(I think?) April 1989 sermon where you announced your departure and you said there that it was basically due to the end of your marriage. Essentially, and I respected you for saying this, something along the lines of when you preach you have to live what you preach and if you can’t, then you have the obligation to step down.

I was actively involved in the church until the end of 1995, and I personally heard about your sexuality in around July 1997, long after I’d left the church, from a fellow ex-Rhema gay guy who had seen you at the Court Hotel, so I don’t think it was in regular circulation at Rhema even by then. I’d already told Peter this privately a few days ago but since you’ve mentioned it here I thought I’d echo it here.

Hi Ann

Thank you for your kind comments – Yes I was born in Kent UK 1936 but left in 1972 to New Zealand and then after USA Bible Training Centre to Perth WA. I have dual citizenship British – Australian. I frequently visited UK while my mother was alive – she died aged 99 – 6 years ago. I also visited my brother and spent a few days in London 2008.

You asked about my journey from fundamentalist Christian to atheist – I have published a book “From Faith to Reason” which I wrote over a period of a few years – details are available on vividpublishing.com.au

Thanks again and I hope to hear from you again

Best wishes

Brian

Hi Anthony

Thank you for your message – I appreciate your comments and understanding.

I should not have any objection to posting my first reply on the section you have suggested especially if you think it will be of benefit to others. I am also happy to answer questions and to give any advice or help based on my life’s experience.

Unfortunately, I have not received any previous messages from you from any source – I am pleased that we have contact now and look forward to future correspondence with you

Thank you again

Kind regards

Brian