Hello!!!

My name is Azariah Southworth and I am 23-years-old.

Before I came out, I was the host of a Christian TV show. My show was broadcast into more than 128 million homes worldwide and we averaged over 200,000 viewers per week on just one network. I had a marketing deal with one of the largest Christian music websites. I had a clothing sponsor and would wear their attire in every episode. I received free vacations to the Bahamas. I had a nice little thing going for me, however, I also had a secret… I’m a gay man. No matter how well people may have liked me, I knew that wasn’t going to fly. So I kept it a secret. I was terrified if anyone found out.

While I was home visiting family over Christmas, my best friend discovered my secret. Not only was he my best friend, but he was the very reason why my show was on the air. I was mortified that he now knew. I remember crying hysterically on my bed as my friend and sister comforted me until I fell asleep. This friend asked if we could meet up when I arrived back in Nashville. When we met, he asked me to keep my sexual identity a secret. If I did this, I could keep my TV show. However, if I didn’t, it would be pulled from the air immediately. I agreed to keep it a secret, from that night on our friendship begin to dwindle.

In April 2008, I found myself in a place where I couldn’t live a double life any longer. I was ready to live my life authentically and honestly. So, on April 16, 2008 I drafted up a statement announcing I am gay and sent it to the media. I didn’t think anyone would carry the story.

Boy, was I wrong! That whole week was a whirlwind for me. My story was on the radio, TV, newspapers, internet and magazines all over the world. I received hundreds upon hundreds of messages from people. Most of them were supportive.

Since coming out, I’ve traveled across America sharing my story to whoever will listen. My story is one of overcoming years of fear, self-hatred and spiritual violence. For nearly 10 years I tried to become something I was never meant to be… a heterosexual man. In that process I objectified women, deceived loved ones and defrauded women I dated. It was all motivated by selfishness too. That selfishness was that I wanted to save myself from hell. It was about saving myself rather than knowing myself in Christ.

Today, because of my honesty about being gay, I have a great understanding of who I am and whose I am. When Jesus told us to come to him, he didn’t say, “Leave your burdens behind then come.” No, he said, “Come to me with your burdens and I will give you rest.” Jesus doesn’t promise us answers, but he does promise us rest. For me, being gay is not a burden, however, the secret was. So, that’s exactly what I’ve done, I laid down this burden my church encouraged me to carry. Because of that, I found rest, hope and joy in living my life authentically and honestly as a man who happens to be gay.

AZARIAH! No way! I’m a huge fan of yours. Well… I mean, I’ve been following you as much as I can, ever since your story broke that is. You are a really big inspiration to me – if I may so, a hero even. I’m an 18-year-old guy, missionary kid, and I had always intended on writing you, but I just figured that you would receive hundreds of letters a day so then why would mine make any difference. The thing that really impacted me about your story is that my dream is to be involved in Christian media – well, not exactly “CHRISTIAN” media, if you know what I mean, but I want to use the media for Kingdom purposes. I plan to go to a private Christian college to study film so I can become a filmmaker and, if I get to live out this dream, I will be able to make films about the relationship between the gay community and the Church. So yeah, you’ve been a big inspiration to me. Yeah, you got kicked out and I imagine lots of people would want to kick me out of whatever too. But you didn’t go away. That is cool. Keep up the good work, Azariah. Proud of you.

Hi Azariah

It’s great to have you with us. Thank you for your honesty.

You said:

“It was about saving myself rather than knowing myself in Christ”.

I like how you examined and realised your motives within your faith. I also admire how you’re sharing your story across America. I’m sure your example is bringing hope to many.

Blessings,

Ann Maree

Hi Azariah

I am glad you had the courage to be who you really are its so much better isnt it?

I am curious and fascinated about the the title of your post – I was just wondering what you meant by the title of your post – do you no longer consider yourself a Christian and if so why?

Like others have said on this site, labels are for jars. But sometimes they are a convenient shorthand and thats the context that I am using the word Christian in. Not as a tool of pressure or anything untoward.

I am curious about your journey and the processes you have been thru.

Hi Richard

Welcome to f2b! Is this your first time here? If you would like to, it would be great to hear more of your story in the Telling our Stories section.

Blessings,

Ann Maree

Hi Azariah

I have emailed you before. I am glad to see you are so comfortable with yourself and I completely relate to your title of this piece.

Thanks for putting your story on here.

Keep up the good work.

Tez

yep….we love you Azariah…..you are a good man……we believe in you

yep….its a great statement isn’t it.

this week jennifer knapp……last year Ray Botlz…….2008 Azariah……who will be next. Eventually it will be what I call yawn material…..hehe. Like Ricky Martin coming out the other week….and recently some celebs in Oz…….basic reaction is……yeah….and so….your gay….so what.

Till we reach the tipping point……we need more and more to come out and create that.

there are a huge number of christian artists and musicians which are trapped in the prison (read closet) of fear and shame. I’d actually love to blast open every closet door.