Anthony suggesed that i post my recent coming out story and speech. Firstly I just wish to thank Anthony and the courageous Freedom 2 Be people in Sydney for their support! Could not have done it successfully without them!!
iain (aka alex)
By way of background, as Head of Senior School, the following speech was delivered to my staff at Charlton Christian College in my final week recently after choosing to resign. Currently looking for a job!? lol!
“I have been involved in Christian education for over 15 years. It has been an amazing privilege to impact the lives of these kids and even more so now that they’re adults as some choose for me to continue to be part of their lives. As an art teacher you have a strangely close relationship as kids grapple with trying to best conceptually express some very personal ideas. Sometimes I feel like a therapist. The opportunity to produce major events and to have artistic licence with crazy creative teams has been fun for me. I really appreciate Sue taking a chance with me with my marketing suggestions and very casually telling the Exec to change the college’s name …and the blank expressions when I told them that their logo needs to be more organic! …and also for trusting me with Senior School and the strong team who has built this big HSC boat and have confidently set sail in choppy shallow water.
I have been inspired by Peter’s testimony last Monday and I wish to share a little of my life’s story and the shallow choppy waters I find myself sailing in. But first let me ask you a personal question. Hands up those who have actually fallen in love? Although I have never fallen in love I understand that it is overwhelming …it’s like you have no control or no choice in the matter…
I find myself in a strange situation where as a gay Christian in a non inclusive Christian environment, I feel a little like the character Eliza Doolittle from My Fair Lady where she is from a working class background but trained to mix with the upper class. Towards the end of the story Eliza discovers, to her horror, that now after her training …she doesn’t appear to fit in either group! I have come to the same horrifying conclusion that I don’t really fit in. In the same way, being gay all my life but also a Christian for 24 years, I find that I can no longer live with the internal conflict between my sexual orientation and a Christian culture that views me as sick, dysfunctional or some kind of super sinner.
Look, I know, I hate to stereotype but yes it’s true what they say …that all the handsome men are gay.
I think that there would probably not be anyone in the room who would truly understand the turmoil that I’ve gone through to resolve this part of me that I’ve never spoken about it until now. Over the years my main coping mechanism is to be emotionally detached ….which is the iain you have grown to know and love. But I have grown tired of being an emotionless robot who finds it difficult to hug …and finding it increasingly difficult to do the relational parts of my job.
After 15 years, it has only since being at Charlton, I now realize that Christian education is not ready for the Iain Wallace’s of this world at this point. I tell others that Charlton has the most caring staff I have ever experienced, but it is actually here that I…
- have been told to word advertisements in a way that gay Christians won’t apply for jobs.
- have been told by a staff member that all gay people are diseased
- have read the hatred of gays in most of the job applications …and we seem to be ok with this.
- have been told by a staff member that all faggots should be shot in the head
As Christians we have been trained to be black and white. The greyer cultural issues of the Bible are treated as some sort of threat. The church has changed its position over the years often embracing a new understanding but never actually admitting we got it wrong. We have to concede that it has not been Christians but the scientists and social commentators who have helped us see new truths about God and the Bible. For example, we know now that…
-mental disorders and epilepsy are not actually demon possession
-black people do not suffer under the OT’s ‘curse of Ham”
-women ‘deserve’ the relatively recent basic privileges of voting, holding office, manage a business or a school, preach or pastor a church.
-the OT and NT’s approval of human slavery is no longer acceptable.
-there are many good reasons for divorce other than infidelity
-killing other people because they worship other gods is intolerable …yet we seem to be more okay with men holding guns than with men holding hands.
If anyone is prepared to look at ALL the research on same sex orientation and not just Christian articles and book then they would discover that some are predisposed to be attracted to the same sex. Prenatal influences seem to be the strongest research. One day the churches and Christian schools will have to accept this…maybe even say sorry?
Here is an article written by Anthony Venn Brown who is a gay Christian who was a former leader in the Assemblies of God and who started Youth Alive. He resigned from the ministry because after 22 years of doing everything to be a heterosexual Christian, realized the life he lived was more important to God than his homosexuality. If you don’t mind your theology being challenged then you might want to read it. You may actually gain a more insightful view of homosexuality
It took a white president to free black slaves. It took men in government to approve women’s equal rights. It will actually take compassionate straight Christians to start a healing in our society …a healing that Saltshakers and other Christian political groups could never initiate. If raw statistics are anything to go by there will already be gay students here at Charlton today. So what are you going to say in the classroom about homosexuality that will show the love of Jesus or will your words take them to a place of shame and fear? Male teen suicide is a tragically high statistic. It’s got to make you wonder why?? ….but gay & lesbian youth are six times more likely to commit suicide as they constantly hear condemnation from the pulpit and experience rejection by family members and abuse by their friends. Where is the love?
Look if you choose to hear nothing else this morning then at least hear these two things…
1. For us…this is not a choice.
Anyone who says that gays choose to be that way are only showing their ignorance. All you have to do is ask any gay person. Who in their right mind would purposely choose this existence? An existence to be marginalized and threatened by your very own church. To never have the opportunity to have my relationships celebrated …in the same way we are doing for Kim. Or never have the privilege to have my own children …as most of you do.
I don’t want to be hated for existing. You know, I don’t want to even be tolerated. I want to be celebrated. This was not my choice.
2. There is no answer.
Some Christians recognize that there is no choice and try to comfortably fit their theology by the common cliché “hate the sin but not the sinner”. This would assume that sexuality is just the sexual act instead of a way of being. Unfortunately many Christians have come up with the equation homosexuality = promiscuity. This is no more true than saying heterosexuality = promiscuity. My morality is a choice – my sexual orientation however isn’t. From the moment I open my eyes in the morning, every fibre in my being tells me that I’m gay…I can’t even think straight …and I am created to be in relationship …and entitled to be in love.
“Hate the sin not the sinner” is condescending and often only an excuse to hide behind prejudice and judgement.
There is no choice. There is no answer.
I’ve chosen this situation to publicly come out. Not even my parents know yet …that will be tonight’s dinner time conversation!! Where they will discover that I’m the pink sheep of the family!?!? …..I have chosen you guys because I do believe that you are actually one of the most caring groups of people I know. Regardless of some of my negative experiences…. your kindness and thoughtfulness towards me over the past two years has given me a safe place to properly work through my future plans and for me to actually come to this point of doing this speech. So thank you for being a part of my special day today.
The Iain you have known up to this point still exists. The dedication to his students and their art, the creative spirit in the lives of others, the very very dry humour …which is loved by all (isn’t that right Michael), the drinking buddy, the guy who no idea about food except for defrosting it, a good listener and a regular Mintie thrower. Look, if you have found what I’ve said difficult today then I’d prefer not to be gossiped about or be have unkind things said about me. I have for the first time in my life just started liking myself …and I no longer believe that homosexuality is a condition requiring healing! In fact, I’d like to think that if there were an anti-gay pill available that I would be content with myself enough to choose not to take it.
My preference is that if you are disgusted by my announcement and my place in this world then you can keep this to yourself. But if there is something within you which is
- proud of my step today
- proud that I haven’t killed myself
….then you’re welcome to tell whoever you want.
They say that life’s a stage …well I’m looking for a more honest and adventurous script ….and better lighting.
I may be leaving the school but I won’t be rejecting you from my world. I hope that you will not reject me. Like Sue, I also believe …that there are no mistakes in God’s economy.”
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