Hey brothers and sisters in the faith and the struggle

Thought I’d make myself known on this forum. I’m a 19 yr old christian living in Brisbane for the moment. I’ve been following God for 4 years and have lived an extremely blessed life to date. I’m the only believer in my family of 6 and am currently so happy to be part of an incredible apostolic church – not to say that it is a gay affirming church (it’s not), but an awesome house and fellowship and a thousand other things I could think of that seem so much more relevant to me in my faith.

I came out first to my brother then parents (not pretty at all) then a random selection of friends (both christian and not) in march this year. It was prompted by the fact that at the time I was seeing an beautiful girl who helped open my eyes to myself. Our relationship felt so natural and lovely to me that there was no denying I was gay anymore. I had had inklings before this – you know, the things we’ve all shared – stronger-than-normal feelings for friends, double glances at pretty girls, never really getting into those romantic comedies like our hetero friends did ( I just thought they were rubbish movies. I laughed when I then saw a lesbian romance and could finally relate). Looking back, there had been two times before actually accepting I was gay that I should already have been convinced of it. The first was on a school trip to France where I was convinced another girl was gay and was considering being with her if she told me so. On the same trip, another girl brought me to tears because I was so attracted/infatuated with her. Keeping in mind that I considered myself a really strong, head-screwed-on type of girl, it was terrifying to think I could be so emotionally shaken. The second time was on a christian camp I elected to go on – I remember being so hungry for God that I went regardless of the fact that I knew only one other person, It took place on my 18th b’day and I could hardly afford it. I couldn’t keep my eyes off a girl I met there – I spent the eve of my ‘adulthood’ crying to God in disbelief, desperately asking for change.

Like many of us are familiar with, that change never came, and instead I was given the grace to accept myself for who I was. Naturally I studied parts of scripture and points of secular research on sexual orientation to see where I could stand. Two things I knew; homosexuality was not a choice, it was inbuilt in me, and God was amazing and He loved me even more than I loved Him. Unfortunately in current times (change will come!) there are so few of us who can take the stance that holds both these statements to be true. We who can are in my opinion a very privileged minority.

There’s not a whole heap of support around me, but it’s lack I’ve never felt has come from God. It’s from other people’s ignorance and misunderstanding. I think I’m more at peace with the issue than those who don’t need to deal with it in themselves (referring to non-christian gays and hetero christians).

I’m not really out at my church yet. I’ve told a few people and naturally I thought the word would spread but apparently they’re respecting me (although I didn’t mind). I will tell more people eventually – but only when it is fitting – like I touched on earlier I don’t see my sexuality as having an influence in the way I serve, love, worship etc. I know the news won’t be welcomed with open arms, but the best I can do is live an authentic life and continue to follow Christ – then at least there’s two of us kept happy.

I truly hope the walls that divide Christianity and homosexuality can be torn down , just as those regarding race, gender equality etc have been before. If anyone in Brisbane would like to meet up please let me know.

Blessings x

Thanks AVB,

ah I found out about freedom2be through the wonderful world of facebook. I think a common link through a gay marriage page got me here. Was so relieved to find it

thank god for facebook again…..

Hi Kholo

I like what you said about God giving you the grace to accept yourself, as well as this:

I think I’m more at peace with the issue than those who don’t need to deal with it in themselves (referring to non-christian gays and hetero christians).

That’s really beautiful! Thank you.

All the best to you,

Ann Maree

Ouch! Unrequited love is so painful.. Wouldn’t it be good if it didn’t have to be?

yeah painful for certain! she came back for graduation and there i went again going ga ga heh…