Hi! My name is David I’m 22 from Sydney I have never really shared my story this openly nor have I ever taken the time to type my story out so if this seems amateur I’m sorry!

My road to freedom.. Firstly I just want to tell you a little about my child hood. I grew up in a dysfunctional family as the oldest child I saw more than my far share of abuse, I always knew I was gay and felt different and left out of the picture. I had a friend in 6 class and used to spend loads of time at his house he had a older brother that I grew close to and I was sexually abused and raped by this guy I was 13 at the time.this was when i first found Christ but I wasn’t saved I felt very confused about what had happened to me.

I spent the next two years going through a family breakup and trying to manage high school at the same time. I found comfort in a friend from school who was also gay but not out we had a very sexual active relationship up until 16yrs old when I found Christ. I was saved back in 2005 in a Pentecostal church youth group. The day I invited Jesus into my life was the best day of my life but I had my same sex attraction in the back of my mind which made things a bit harder for me. I stayed with my home church for the next three years and in that time I had committed myself to any kind of church service I could take on, I had this idea that if I served in the church I would be healed of my same sex attraction I was the involved in service coordinator wanted to be in the leadership of the church working closely with the pastors and leader of the church when everything came to a head on my 18th birthday,

I had made a gay friend through work and ended up going out in Sydney to a gay club and realized that I couldn’t hide my sexuality to anyone anymore. I told my mentor about my sexuality and he told me it was wrong and not of god and I should stand strong and work through it, I started to feel as though I couldn’t be gay and a Christian and started to fall away from the church some people reached out to me and I told them I was gay and it was who I was but I still wanted to be passionate about god. They told me that I was going to burn in hell for what I was doing after that I decided I would turn my back on god and walk away.

I also came out to my family and luckily they all loved and accepted me as I was. I started to drink and do drugs heavily I got to a point where I couldn’t go on with life anymore cause the pain of my childhood and being rejected from church was too much I started to self harm cutting myself on a regular basis my drug use went from bad to worse I lost everything I had ever worked for I tried to commit suicide I was lucky to have a friend to stop me at that time. I ran and moved around for 12 months working seasonal and partying 7 nights a week. It got to a point when I was 20 years old I hit rock bottom. I had a breakdown as the pain and memory of my sexual abuse and rape came back I had blocked it out of my mind for so long I started on anti depressants and anxiety medication and got loads of support from my family I told them about the sexual abuse and rape and they helped me through it.

I started to travel again after 6 months getting my life stable and drug free. God never gave up on me he started to touch me through people no matter where I travelled to. I would always have this feeling god was seeking me I had complete strangers come up to me and tell me that god had a bigger plan and a purpose for me and that I was loved and it was all that mattered. So I found myself and accepted who I was. I worked through issues I had with the church and decided to attend my home church again. I didn’t get involved serving I just attended church and concentrated on my relationship with god I still had this belief that I was sinning being a gay man I contacted my pastor and had some pastoral counselling, we prayed against my homosexuality and the sexual abuse I was told that I would most probably find my heterosexual true self after I was healed of the sexual abuse etc. After the counseling I found I was still gay and still loved by god but also healed of the abuse I found a new peace within myself.

I left my home church as I felt they still didn’t accept me, I currently don’t attend church because I have recently moved back to Sydney and am still looking for a church where i will be accepted. I have now been off the antidepressants and anxiety medication for 12 months and i am living as a gay Christian man. I found my Freedom

Hey David….so good that you have found us and thanks for sharing us some of the personal details of your journey. Sounds like you are doing well.

When same sex orientated people experience sexual abuse……it can really hinder their self acceptance…..and complicate the process because their natural orientation has additional negative attachments to it…..add to this an already negative belief that being gay is against God’s will and you’ve got quite a maze to sort through. Its the layers principle you can read about in Ann Marees story.

Regarding sexual abuse….and sexual orientation…..this is where ex-gay type ministries get mixed up……healing of the abuse and acceptance of the orientation are separate issues….but they lump then in together.

I’ll send you an excellent article on abuse that you might find useful.

hope to hear more from you

Hi David

Welcome & thanks for sharing your story!

Hi David,

Welcome to Freedom2b[e]. Your story really touched me where you say you felt you couldn’t be gay and a christian at the same time. You feel as though sometimes you have to make a choice between one or the other and you sense the seeming conflict between the two value systems. The best part is we don’t have to make a choice! We can be both gay and christian which is supported by the bible

Hope to hear more of your journey here on the forum.

Thanks so much for your replies to my story. its been a hard road and i am so glad i have found freedom2b let just hope i can find a church soon.

i have read some peaples storys on here and it breaks my heart that church peaple can be so cruel but i do see a change in churches happening slowly..

gettinthere i am interested in 22 thing as well

regard dave

Welcome David – and thanks for sharing your story.

It’s quite funny you apologise for being an amateur, because that is the most beautifully written testimony I’ve ever read. I just love the way you recognised the hand of God on your life, even when your outer man thought you could turn your back on Him. At least there was no need for you to be thrown in the ocean and swallowed by a whale before returning to Him…

It’s wonderful also that despite some Christians turning their back on you and judging you, there were complete strangers through whom God chose to work by His Spirit to remind you He was there with you.

The closing remarks in your testimony are triumphant: “I found my freedom”. I wish I could have said that at 22. You’ve been through heaps, but look at you now! I hope you don’t mind, but I would like to show your testimony to my pastor who is wanting to better understand the struggles of GLBT Christians and what the church can do to help us in our walk with Christ.

I can’t wait to hear more from you as your journey unfolds and will uphold you in prayer.

Peace and love in Him!

Ryan

Hey Ryan,

thanks for taking the time to read my story, a little bit of an update is i think i have found a church to go with some of the other guys from this group am going to check it out next weekend. Thats fine if you share my story with you pastor i put my story up here so others could benifit from it and to encourage others to share there stories as well.

no matter what i have been going through he has always been there for me even when i didnt want him there! it shows how great our God really is

Thanks hope all is well up north

Dave

Hey David mate,

Firstly it was so great to meet you the other night at the Freedom 2 b[e] dinner. I hope that you find a place of love, acceptance and support here at Freedom 2 b[e]. As the Youth Coordinator, let me know if there is anything I can do to assist you in your journey. It could be as simple as an encouragement and prayer.

I read your story and cried man…..so similar to mine and yet in many ways so different. The abuse and rape is something that really screws you up. I could never really accept the fact that I was gay until I dealt with my abuse that happened when I was 8 years old. Every ex-gay program I went to kept on telling me that I was gay because of the abuse and so after a while I believed them and thought I could be fixed. It took me years man to deal with the abuse and some people in my family still don’t know. I still have flashbacks today and it still haunts me and yet God is good and gets me through each day, covering me in his love.

Your story encourages me mate. I am still dealing with some stuff and still on the anti-depressants but your story gives me hope that it won’t always be like that.

Mate…let’s do coffee sometime soon. You are an amazing man of God and I am so pumped to have you here at Freedom 2 b[e].

*ps…come to our next youth day. You’ll love it!! :p

Cheers,

Ben Gresham

Hello from the Kimberleys..

Just wanted to let every one know i am still alive and going strong! i have been working in the Kimberleys at Fitzroy Crossing for the past three months. I will be heading to cairns on sunday with an amazing guy that i meet while on holidays in Kununurra.

i just wanted to share will you all what it meant for me to march in this year Mardi Gras with freedom2b!

It was a very emotional journey for me i had mixed emotions in the weeks leading up to the march one day i would be excited and next day i would be wanting to pull out. for me it was the end of one journey and the start of another! it was the end of a not so good part of my life and the start of a new life without guilt and shame for who i am a young gay Christian.

i remember being in the marshalling area just before we started to head out i just couldn’t hold it in any more i lost it. then the floats in front of us started moving all of a sudden the anxiety kicked in and i was freaking out i wanted to run and hide but as soon as we turned the corner and i saw the crowd everything seemed to not matter because i had made it i had survived! Anthony told me a week earlier that when you get to the end of the route your a different person and he is definitely right!

if anyone reads this and is thinking of marching next year its an amazing experience i encourage you to do so

Dave.

thanks for the update Dave….I’m sure what you have written will encourage others……its true isn’t it…..marching in the parade can be a profound personal spiritual experience…….so different to what the Rev Fred Nile and others tell us it is all about. So glad you had the breakthrough.

pop in here from time to time on your travels and say hi…..we’d love to hear from you.