I don’t know if I ever was attracted to men. Maybe I was lying to myself.

Just can’t get my head around the idea that I lied to myself for so long. It feels great not to be living as a fake any more.

chuckle chuckle

its not unusual supercalamari to have this as a part of your journey.

There are of course such things as bi-sexuals……more common in women than men. In fact I think it is actually rare in men.

Some people think that sexual orientation is about who they can have sex with. But this view is extremely limited. Sexual behaviour is not an indication of ones sexual orientation. Emotional attachment, bonding, partnering, affection, intimacy is. If it was just about behaviour then that would mean all the men in prison who have sex with other men have turned gay……ah ah.

For many of us bi-sexuality is a safe space for us for a while on our journey to acceptance of our true gay selves. Because we often have many negative subconscious attachments around being gay or lesbian we adopt a half way point which we feel explains some of our experience and is more socially acceptable……a compromise of the mind if you will that relieves us of some of that internal dissonance.

I know I’ve posted this lots of times before on this site…but this might help. step 5 can often be the safe space of thinking we are bi-sexual.



THE PROCESS OF RESOLUTION

Let me take you through the process that I went through. Its not the same for everyone but like Elizabeth Kubler Ross’ process of grieving, most people pass through each stage at some time no matter how briefly. Problems develop when people become stuck in one place and can’t move on.

1. Denial (I’m not gay, I was drunk, I’m bisexual, I was just horny, it’s just a stage, I was just experimenting, its just a phase).

2. Rejection (I can change it, I can overcome it)

3. Suppression (I can control it, monitor it, it’s my secret, no one need know)

4. Hatred (this thing is too strong for me, I hate my gayness, therefore I hate myself)

5. Acceptance (Healthy & unhealthy). It’s wonderful that so many young people today are coming out and accepting their homosexuality. There is also a group, like I was for years, who have accepted their sexuality but only reluctantly. They would prefer to be heterosexual and as long as that remains in their thinking, they can never fully embrace their true selves and enjoy the sense of freedom that brings. They exist with a subconscious belief that life is unfair, they still live with a sense of shame and some believe they will inevitably go to hell because they gave in to their homosexuality.

6. Celebration (I love being gay). This is the beginning of living a life of authenticity and congruence. The person who celebrates and embraces their sexuality lives a powerful life that transforms those around them because no one can deny what you have………a wholesome and profound love of self.

And at the same time, I can’t understand how someone can’t be attracted to guys. I mean, look at them – they’re just so freaking hot. Hehe.

of course you think guys are hot lol…………to me its all broccoli

I know that when I was first honestly wrestling with my feelings and attractions, I spent a little while wondering/thinking I was bisexual, and I do believe that this was just a ‘stage’ I reached as I grew more accustomed to the idea of saying I am a lesbian.

For me, I can look at a man, and see that he is good looking, I can even, sometimes have feelings of attraction, but I cannot connect emotionally on the deep and intimate level with men the way I have with my female partner.

I don’t think I am bisexual. I actually don’t like the word ‘sexual’ being attached to my orientation at all. I’ve heard the term “Same gender affectional’ and prefer this, even if it does sound a little bit PC. It just removes the “sex” part from people’s minds, which I believe can be such a sticking point for them.