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Never in my wildest dreams: Journey of a boi 19 to a man 40

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iplantolive
 
Joined in 2008
June 30, 2008, 9:10 pm

Going back 2 years ago, I never in my wildest dreams would’ve imagined I’d come out as gay :D considering that I was so passionately involved in a Pentecostal church that, at the time, was everything in my life!


I grew up in an Anglican family, but left for a Pentecostal church when I was 19. There I stayed for about 20 years, secretly enduring my own painful repression of same sex attraction to men, not knowing what was happening to me, or why, until fairly recently when I finally gave in after a falling out with the church, and decided to do some “soul searching” to try and discover the real me, and from there at last identifying as being gay.


My journey along this road has thus been relatively short, and in some ways I am still unsure of my belief systems, having left a church that was quite fundamentalist and insular by nature.


I am now slowly rebuilding a circle of friends and companions, and hope to meet many more on this forum :D


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Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
June 30, 2008, 11:58 pm

Welcome welcome welcome mobile guy.


I know the feeling……never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I’d be out, happy, have such wonderful friends…..and never….no never imagined I’d start a group to support GLBT people from Pente backgrounds.


Hope to hear more from you in the future.


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iplantolive
 
Joined in 2008
July 6, 2008, 12:28 pm

I know the feeling……never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I’d be out, happy, have such wonderful friends…..and never….no never imagined I’d start a group to support GLBT people from Pente backgrounds.


Thanks Anthony for your encouraging words :) It’s been 12 months now since I left that Pente church – haven’t heard a peep from anyone there since but hey … I’m looking forward, not back :lol:


Was listening to 103.2 FM radio this morning for the first time since Heaven knows how long! I used to listen to it all the time. I guess I just shut down my Christian belief system to cope with the pain caused. I still believe in love (1 Corinthians 13 – one of the best chapters in the Bible!!!) healings and miracles. Still working through some of the more spiritual aspects though :)


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magsdee
 
Joined in 2006
July 6, 2008, 2:54 pm

Hey Mobileguy, great to have you here welcome :D

I think most of us have gone thru the Christian shut down period, I know I did, i couldnt even read a Bible without a panic attack, the only books I read was Enid Blyton :oops: :lol: but it helped but for 2 weeks I was on valiums because I had an emotional breakdown, I had gone thru spiritual abuse at church from a Cell group (10yrs ago), Im all good now tho :D you do get back to it when youre ready but a little wiser. :wink:


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Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
July 6, 2008, 3:37 pm

as I think you’ve read already……I shut my belief system down for 6 years. Actually never planned to go back there.


If someone mentioned the word god…..I’d have a pannick attack…..literally.


If you can begin to look or even talk about any of that stuff I think shows the healing is beginning.


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iplantolive
 
Joined in 2008
July 6, 2008, 6:46 pm

I had gone thru spiritual abuse at church from a Cell group (10yrs ago), Im all good now tho :D you do get back to it when youre ready but a little wiser. :wink:


Hey magsdee,


Thanks heaps for sharing your insights with us. I’ve read about some terrible cases of spiritual abuse in churches. Anyways, it’s onwards and upwards for me :lol:


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magsdee
 
Joined in 2006
July 6, 2008, 8:01 pm

Yes indeed, onward and upward and a time of refreshing :D


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iplantolive
 
Joined in 2008
December 13, 2008, 1:24 pm

Just thought I’d update everyone on my journey thus far …

There has been some amazing progress in rediscovering my spirituality, namely the identification of 3 central beliefs that define my relationships with God and other people; Healing, Peace and Love. Through these, I am able to come to a place of restitution and sanctuary, where the broken is once again restored and made whole again.


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magsdee
 
Joined in 2006
December 13, 2008, 1:34 pm

Thats an awesome place to be :D How encouraging.


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Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
December 14, 2008, 1:07 pm

oh what a feeling…….when the questions are answered and we also realise that we don’t need all the questions answered.


Healing, Peace and Love……how simple yet profound and powerful


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iplantolive
 
Joined in 2008
December 14, 2008, 9:10 pm

Healing, Peace and Love……how simple yet profound and powerful


Yes indeed, and they are not exclusively Christian principles, but are Universal in their nature :D regardless of faith or denomination. Everyone in the GLBTIQ community has the right to experience these at some point in their journey.


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Sandy
 
Joined in 2007
December 14, 2008, 9:31 pm

At the risk of uh… overreacting :lol: :lol: Can I just point out that concepts like peace, healing and love are determined generally more by context and the individual than by any kind of universal definition. Indeed. ex-gay groups use healing as one of their founding principals and Im sure love is in there too somewhere. And yet alot of people leave needing healing from the “healing”.


I just think its interesting the way opposing ideas and philosophies can use the same concepts but with totally different outlooks and results. It means you need a really specific definiton of what they each mean for you in your life because as you are already aware its not universal and different people see it differently


Nope, pretty sure that wasn’t overreacting… :wink:


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iplantolive
 
Joined in 2008
December 14, 2008, 11:08 pm

At the risk of uh… overreacting :lol: :lol: Can I just point out that concepts like peace, healing and love are determined generally more by context and the individual than by any kind of universal definition.


Generally agreed, and I’ll clarify so you have a better idea of my context :wink: As a gay Christian, I see so much and have experienced a lot of discrimination and bigotry towards minorities such as the GLBTIQ community. The concepts of Healing, Peace and Love can (and should in my personal opinion) act as a type of bridge to bring people of different backgrounds together in mutual friendship and respect for each other. In a simple Christian way, love your neighbour as you would yourself :D :wink:


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Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
December 15, 2008, 9:40 am

treating others the way I would like to be treated myself has become central to the way I try and interact with others since I genuinely began to love and accept myself.


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iplantolive
 
Joined in 2008
July 11, 2009, 2:10 pm

Hi all, I thought I’d post an update on my journey thus far …


It’s been just over a year since I started participating in Freedom2b[e], and during that time I have connected with many GLBT friends. can also honestly say that my understanding of GLBT issues has greatly increased my appreciation for those of us who champion equality and acceptance amongst the wider community and in the churches.


I have also come to appreciate that being double-minded about things doesn’t really get me anywhere … much :) It’s also not scriptural :P But it’s great to know that I can make a difference in peoples lives, and that God accepts me and my sexual orientation no matter what.


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magsdee
 
Joined in 2006
July 11, 2009, 4:37 pm

Thats great Mobileguy :D its a wonderful place to get to and so good that you see yourself as acceptable and important plus we also need you here :wink: and the great work you are doing. All of us are vital in making a difference no matter where we are :D


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Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
July 13, 2009, 2:57 pm

thats very encouraging mobilegiuy……does the username mobileguy mean you will move a lot…. :lol: :lol: :lol:


its always very rewarding to observe peoples journeys…..you are doing well. Funny you should mention the double minded thing….I often quote that myself….and feel that it is something I’ve been experiencing myself for way tooooo long.


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iplantolive
 
Joined in 2008
July 14, 2009, 8:09 pm

thats very encouraging mobilegiuy……does the username mobileguy mean you will move a lot…. :lol: :lol: :lol:


Not if I can help it :wink: I’ve been moving around now for too long. It’s time to settle in one place and enjoy life and all it has to offer 8)


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iplantolive
 
Joined in 2008
October 5, 2009, 5:07 pm

Today I went on a journey to a far, far away place … and something wonderful happened … I realised for possibly the first time … that the journey is part of the destination … it was like a microcosm of selected life experiences … people speaking in foreign languages (where have I heard that before :wink: ) … identifying significant milestones along the way … places I’d been to before in my earlier childhood … the whole (train) journey was nearly as good (if not as good) as the destination itself …


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Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
October 5, 2009, 5:10 pm

interesting experience and revelation by the sound of it mobileguy


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