I had been married for 20 years when my wife told me to leave. She’d found out that I had been visiting gay websites. That was it. We hadn’t had the greatest of relationships; I tried to please but it never seemed to work- and now it was over. It took 8 months after this for my wife to understand that I was gay; and since then I have had no contact with my three teenage children.

I left one year ago. I was an almost 50 year old man. No friends. Nowhere to go. I’d never really admitted that I was gay- I’d only got as far as thinking that if something ever happened to my relationship, I would never get married again. I’d had casual sex with men over the previous 10 years, but being an evangelical, charismatic Christian meant that couldn’t ever talk to anyone about it, even when I was in my times of deepest need and despair. I couldn’t even admit it to myself.

I knew I was attracted to other guys since I was about 11 and became a Christian soon after. Before I became a Christian, I had tried to please God so much- and discovered that I couldn’t except through trusting in Jesus. But I felt so different, and scared and bad. I was so lonely and felt like a failure. I kept trying hard. In my conservative, bible believing Christian circles, I never met anyone whom I knew to be gay; that didn’t happen until I was 39 !!

Once I found a place to live I started to relax. I wasn’t under pressure to conform; to hide my thoughts and feelings and I didn’t give attention to trying to avoid criticism for not being the man my wife had dreamt she was marrying. But I wasn’t ready to admit I was gay. I crept around a few churches successfully avoiding meeting anyone.

I went to MCC after the church I had been attending had a Sunday morning service where the Pastor and his wife, and another couple were to spend the service sharing about what wonderful marriages they had and encouraging everyone else to do the same. I knew that MCC existed; and honestly, I thought that such a church must be totally compromised in its beliefs and couldn’t be true to the gospel. I was wrong about that!

I joined a home group at Crave MCC- with people who really love me, accept me and support me. I met some wonderful people at the first Freedom 2 b[e] meeting that I attended. I could finally start to say to people ‘I am gay’.

A few weeks ago I was sitting in church. Through the week, I had been thinking about the phrase from an old hymn ‘Just as I am’ (thanks Ben- God is really using you!). And then I realised- God does accept me JUST AS I AM. I come to Him- just me, myself, and the gay bits, and all the baggage- and I trust Him. And He accepts me!! Just as I am. I always felt like I’d failed- especially in the area of sexuality, trying to be straight and in relationships. And now I didn’t have to feel like a failure- because God accepts me just as I am. That’s freedom!! It was so good!!

Lat weekend I read Anthony Venn-Brown’s book. So many parallels between his experience and mine. I am so glad you wrote it, Anthony. I just wish that I had this book, MCC, Freedom 2 b[e] and some wise counsel that would have allowed me to manage the situation with my wife and children better. But we can only move forward.

A few years ago I did a course through a church, which made the following statement. At the time I wanted to believe it, but I couldn’t. But now I can!

I am cherished by God who paid a great price to purchase me.

I acknowledge that I am highly valued, totally forgiven, fully pleasing,

accepted and complete in Christ.

I’m still working through a lot of things: finding a place in the world, in the church, and in relationships. Wishing my relationship with my kids could be restored; knowing that it will resolve one day- but wishing it were now.

As the daughter of a gay man who was married for over twenty years I’m living proof that people do come around I was furious when my dad came out. When he left mum and lived honestly with a man he loved. I was old enough and wise enough to know better. Now, and I don’t say this lightly, I wouldn’t have him any other way because he is so much more himself. All those years I thought I knew my father. Now I can say that I really do know him. That is a gift he has given me and I’ll always cherish it.

AVB is awesome at saying these really inconvienient things when you really don’t want to hear them and when I was really angry at dad he asked me why I hadn’t thanked him for being honest. Why I hadn’t achknowledged that honesty in this situation took guts no matter if homosexuality was right or wrong. It struck me that I was so wrapped up in my own reaction I hadn’t really considered what it was like for dad.

I don’t mean to presume that the situation with your own kids is at all similar. I understand it must be so hard to wait, to give them time to come to terms with it all in their own way and time. As LGBT men and women we spend years and years working through these issues for ourselves and when we finally come to a place of acceptance we want everyone to feel the same way, right now! It may take your kids years as well, though hopefully not. The best part though, the part that makes it worth the wait is that they will truly know you and love you for who you are. Not who you thought you were or who you thought you should be but you.

BTW……God told me to write the book for you

Isnt God amazing, that just soooo leaves you speechless.

Far out Sandy, Im sitting here with the biggest smile hearing you talk like that.

Of course when I voiced this to dad he threw a handful of orange peels at me and seethed “Not EVERYTHING is about you, Sandy!” Opps!

Gees you had me believe everything WAS about you now I have to retrain my thinking AGAIN

No its good to see you both so good now Im saving the blackmail for an opportune time muhahahaaaaaaa!!!!!!

Thankyou Ian, that is very encouraging.

Hi Ian,

Thanks so much for sharing your story with us. I’m blessed and encouraged every time I read a new story from someone here on the forums. It’s always amazing to see how God has worked through the situations with others.

I pray that in his perfect timing all will be resolved and you will get your heart’s desires.

Hi Ian

I was really touched by your story. Your faith and relationship with God is beautiful and inspiring to me. Thank you.

Ann Maree

Thanks for your encouragement Ann Maree and David,

You make it sound like I was preaching— sorry about that.

But God DID use those words ‘Just as I am’- they are on Ben Gresham’s blog. And they kept speaking to me- until the message got through.

I quoted the hymn because I thought that there would be some who didn’t know it.

God uses those words that we have hid in our hearts- and speaks to us through them.

Hi IanJ

This is really well written. Well done! Let us know how things unfold.

I’m really happy for you that your kids have responded favourably.

Blessings,

Ann Maree

Anthony and Annmarie,

Thanks for your encouragement.

The signs of response from my boys have been very tiny- but I am encouraged by it. Still a long way to go.

Like you I have some regrets about the way I handled things when I left my marriage and family. ……I had no one to talk to who really understood.

I didn’t even IMAGINE that there was somewhere I could turn for real, practical help.

Outreaching to a group of closeted Christians must be a “marketing” nightmare- but I feel like that is what is necessary if we are to prevent a whole lot of painful experiences. I don’t want to let others ‘do it the hard way’