I grew up on the church floor. Literally and figuratively. The literal is my three younger brothers and I all had blue sheepskin rugs to sleep on as we grew up and my first memory is of aisles of people’s feet as they danced.

The figurative is that my parents were pastors (and pioneered 11 churches) in the Christian Outreach Centre movement and I always thought of church as far more of a ‘home’ than anywhere I happened to be living. In fact, the movement was started by my uncle Clarke Taylor (my father is his younger brother) and my parents ran the Brisbane centre for a while (after Clarke’s slew of affairs became public knowledge in the late 1980s/early 1990s). As other writers have testified, COC was not a very ‘accepting’ environment.

Naturally, I intended to go on to become a pastor and eventually attended bible school in Sydney (at CCC). But I never could confirm my sexual nature to what I believed to be ‘right.’ I didn’t act on it until I was 30, but I knew I could be a ‘spiritual leader’ if I was fundamentally immoral as a person.

To come out to myself, let alone anyone else, required travelling to the most isolated city on earth (Perth). Even then, it wasn’t until I realised my heart would fall in love with men (it had happened twice before, even though I only thought of them as friends consciously – and they were completely straight) completely outside of my volitional control. That was the point I could reconcile my homosexuality with my spirituality.

If God was unwilling to change me, and I unable to do it through dint of willpower alone, then clearly He didn’t have that big a problem with it. (The alternative was that God is a perverted sadist who sets us up for lives of misery and despair – which I couldn’t reconcile with my personal experience of God.)

Since then I’ve met the person of my dreams, come out to friends (in WA) and family, and created a life for myself in WA. I’m writing because of two things. The first is that while I am involved (somewhat) with an accepting Church in Perth it is Anglican and very different from what I grew up with. Does anyone know of an accepting Charismatic church?

The second is that I’d be interested in hearing other people’s experiences in developing a relationship with their parents. I want to invite my parents to the reception my partner and I are planning to hold (to celebrate the civil union we signed last year). I am uncertain how to do so in a non confrontational, but still assertive, manner.

I tell myself that their attendance would not matter, but cannot help but want to complete cut off the relationship if they do not attend. After all, if they cannot be present at one of the most important experiences in my life, then when would they ever be present?

My family follow the well established WASP practice of denying uncomfortable realities (which fits in nicely with some Pentecostal teaching!) Any advice on how to handle such a situation would be welcomed.

Welcome Rabid Womble!

Wow! Your story is a powerful one. Congratulations on getting to where you are , surviving the journey and meeting the person of your dreams and being courageous enough to move forward with that partership.

In answer to your questions re your parents, I guess we all want parental approval. Dr Phil would say: “Do you want to be right or have a relationship?” So that is a question that comes to mind for your folks. They don’t have to approve but do they want to have an ongoing role in your life anyway? And I guess, they have the right to their views and to the time it will take for them to become better informed. On that last note, the 2 articles I would recommend that you and they might want to read are at http://jmm.aaa.net.au/articles/20763.htm and http://laughingbird.net/supplementarysubmission.pdf

Ann Maree

Hi again

Yes good points, Sandy. Building on the common ground you have with parents is a great idea. And we are certainly more than our orientations but sometimes get super focused on that area. If we emphasise it too much we can put pressure on us and well as others who are not yet sure about the topic. And that’s not a good idea.

Hiya guys,

First off, thanks for those links – on first glance they seem to be incredibly valuable and I will enjoy reading them thoroughly. Big thanks! However, I hold out no hope that my parents will read them but I sure will.

Secondly, since writing and reading your comments, I’ve tried to think about what I want from my relationship with my parents (in particular, I never want to be the person who vacillates like Sandy’s dad!) Its not their approval (they have not had the subjective experiences that disprove traditional Charismatic thinking about homosexuality like I have). Further, it would be too much to ask them to question and change their world views about what it means ‘to be gay.’ A painful and threatening process for me – and I had every incentive in the world!

What I want, ideally, would be to have their acceptance and to share my life (including my partner) with them. Emotionally I don’t believe that this can happen, and so I want to cut off the relationship completely (an immature reaction on my behalf – but heay its worked thus far in my life!)

Thank you for your advice in terms of just keeping the door open. Its what I needed to hear.

Hi again

Yes good points, Sandy. Building on the common ground you have with parents is a great idea. And we are certainly more than our orientations but sometimes get super focused on that area. If we emphasise it too much we can put pressure on us and well as others who are not yet sure about the topic. And that’s not a good idea.

Too true – I remember when I first came out it was all I could think about for 2 years, then I sort of developed a perspective that I was so much more as a person than who I am interested in sexually/emotionally. It happens to most people at some point I think, especially those who have been repressed for a period of time then get a sudden revelation of how things can be.

hey Rabid Womble…..have you known about us for long. I think I should pay a visit to WA maybe this year.

thanks for sharing so openly…….I related a lot to your story. but it was the other way round. I had my kids on the lambskin rug on the church floor. I knew your Uncle Clarke before he began COC……when he was a still a stockman chasing brumbies in the NT.

Advice……just two things

1. Give your parents time……how long did it take for you to reslove your fiath and sexuality. it may take them as long once your disclose.


2. Dont work some much on the beliefs as the attitude. You and they have lots of examples in the life of Jesus to emulate when relating to people who might not be the same as us.

of course the great thing today is that there are many pentecostal leaders who are changing attitudes….and some even beliefs. Many of us didn’t have that sort of climate when we came out…..we only had rejection.

I’m assuming your are already out to your parents??????

hope to see more of you in our forum.

I grew up on the church floor. Literally and figuratively. The literal is my three younger brothers and I all had blue sheepskin rugs to sleep on as we grew up and my first memory is of aisles of people’s feet as they danced.

Hi Rabid,

A belated welcome from myself. Unfortunately my former pente church didn’t allow dancing of any kind whatsoever. It was only recently did I allow myself the luxury of indulging in a little disco dancing I suppose I have to blame years of conditioning that it was “of the world” for my lack of interest in this most entertaining pastime

he’s not a bad dancer either Ann Maree…..I’ve seen him. Considering it used to be a sin……possibly he is a natural.

Glad you are enjoying life mobileguy

Heya Rabid Womble

Welcome & congratulations on your upcoming ceremony!

I am so glad you have found an inclusive faith community, it makes such a difference to have people who you can worship with & love you for all you are.

I can not imagine how difficult it would be to have to deal with your parents in this way at this time. I do hope it goes well, what ever you decide!

As for a charismatic church that is inclusive, our church is exctly that. But sadly it is in Sydney…

http://www.cravemcc.com.

Peace & blessings to you & your partner!

Penny

Hi gettingthere

Great to hear from you again. It’s really hard when you live with parents, even when not openly gay but especially when you are and they don’t know how to react. Greater independence in that situation is good and may help take the pressure off both parties. I became a lot closer to my mum when I went O/S. The distance really helped our relationship and she reached out a lot. Sometimes people need the time and space apart to process things.

And you’re right, irrespective of whether a parental response is affirmative or not, God is always loving and ‘for us’, and there are supportive ‘family’ around even if not one’s own blood family.

Happy New Year to you!!

Blessings,

Ann Maree