"You are an apple. Some people do not like apples. You can try and be a grape to keep them happy, but you will never be a good grape because you are an apple."
I HAVE FOUND HAPPINESS IN EMBRACING WHO I AM AS A GAY MAN WHO LOVES JESUS.
Here is my story:
1. THE GRAPE TRIES TO BECOME AN APPLE. (Aged 12 - 35)
I became a Christian at age 12 and it was a highlight of my life. Around the same time I had my first sexual experiences with boys . .... not bad either!
But as my faith grew, I was "helped" to understand that homosexuality is a not a good thing.
When I was 21, I attended a church seminar where I was told I could change from gay to straight and that " it would be easy".
Elated I went into church ministry, got married and had children. I attended a support group designed to help me change or at least manage. The group was caring, some of the teaching was helpful but the apple never became a grape.
When I found the courage to tell church leaders that I was gay, I was warned to keep it a secret.
2. PRETENDING TO BE A GRAPE. (Aged 35-39)
I decided to pretend. I kept up all appearances and even hid from my wife that I was falling apart. This life of deep dishonesty left me fat, depressed and near suicidal. It was during this time that I faced the fact that I could not change.
3. FACING THE FACT I AM AN APPLE. (Aged 39)
I could no longer hide from the truth. It was horrible telling my wife and kids I was leaving. It was a painful time. .. it was a time of great rejection from my church world. ... but it was a liberating time. I moved out, got a flat and began my new life. ... not at 18 but at 40 ... as a gay man.
4. EMBRACING THE FACT I AM AN APPLE. (Aged 40)
I cannot begin to describe the peace and freedom I feel to embrace myself as a gay man. Not to mention falling in love with another man ... his embrace, his kisses, his love.
It is a pity so many followers of Jesus have got it so very wrong.
It is a cruel lie to believe that sexual orientation can be changed.
I no longer hate who I am.
I embrace it.
I CELEBRATE IT!
I know Jesus smiles on me and I smile back at him.
May these words encourage those with stories like mine.
Welcome shalom!
You do sound like a happy apple indeed. Yay!!! 
It's so great that you have come to a place of being at peace with who you are. I can only imagine God smiling at you and I'm sure many others will be too when they read your story, as I am. Thank you.
Many blessings to you,
Ann Maree
Jesus said: "If you bring forth that which is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you." Gospel of Thomas, vs 70.
"If you plan on being anything less than you are capable of being, you will probably be unhappy all the days of your life." [quote/] Abraham Maslow
Shalom!
Thanks for sharing your story!!
It would be good to hear some more of your journey sometime- but for a start, it's good to know that the story has a happy ending
My experience is similar to yours- except that I made my life change at 50. You'll find my story here too.
Ian
Hi Shalom,
Welcome to Freedom2b[e]. I very much liked your Apple and Grape analogy. Indeed, one cannot become the other, no matter how hard they try. Hope to hear more of your journey here on the forum.
Welcome, Shalom,
Thanks for sharing your story with us. I love the apple and grape analogy, very apt.
Shalom Havarim!
hi shalom........I think if we had to vote for the cutest story in this section I'd vote for yours.......Its great......thanks for the creativity.
Personally I think I'm not an apple or a grape.......I'm a fruit salad.... 
hehehe 
See I knew it, avb - you're complex!
He is that. He thinks laterally. I have a daughter who is so black and white and she didnt get that from me. I wish that I were sometimes however she absolutely loves gay people and has no problem with accepting them as they are. Is this a product of the new generation. Tony what you are pioneering is going to become common place in a few years. I was threatened by someone who was going to tell my friends that i am gay. I really dont care anymore as they would just laugh and say ........well we knew that so what. An aAOG pastor asked me if I had gone down the Gay track. I asked him what he meant by that..................... I am who iIam, he is what he is.....or is he?
Hey God has been talking to me and giving me signs of His love and grace. I have written music that comes straight from His throne room,,,,,,so I know He hasnt deserted me.
An AOG pastor asked me if I had gone down the Gay track. .
had to laugh at that one.
some pastors comments do nothing more than reflect there ignorance about sexual orientation.
Thank you for your story, I like it when you talk about being a Happy Apple, makes reading your story more positive.
regards peter.
Ex UPC Pentecosal Gay Christian Man.
Wishing to communicate with like minded christians. I live in Perth Western Australia.