Anthony suggesed that i post my recent coming out story and speech. Firstly I just wish to thank Anthony and the courageous Freedom 2 Be people in Sydney for their support! Could not have done it successfully without them!!
iain (aka alex)
By way of background, as Head of Senior School, the following speech was delivered to my staff at Charlton Christian College in my final week recently after choosing to resign. Currently looking for a job!? lol!
"I have been involved in Christian education for over 15 years. It has been an amazing privilege to impact the lives of these kids and even more so now that they’re adults as some choose for me to continue to be part of their lives. As an art teacher you have a strangely close relationship as kids grapple with trying to best conceptually express some very personal ideas. Sometimes I feel like a therapist. The opportunity to produce major events and to have artistic licence with crazy creative teams has been fun for me. I really appreciate Sue taking a chance with me with my marketing suggestions and very casually telling the Exec to change the college’s name …and the blank expressions when I told them that their logo needs to be more organic! …and also for trusting me with Senior School and the strong team who has built this big HSC boat and have confidently set sail in choppy shallow water.
I have been inspired by Peter’s testimony last Monday and I wish to share a little of my life’s story and the shallow choppy waters I find myself sailing in. But first let me ask you a personal question. Hands up those who have actually fallen in love? Although I have never fallen in love I understand that it is overwhelming …it’s like you have no control or no choice in the matter…
I find myself in a strange situation where as a gay Christian in a non inclusive Christian environment, I feel a little like the character Eliza Doolittle from My Fair Lady where she is from a working class background but trained to mix with the upper class. Towards the end of the story Eliza discovers, to her horror, that now after her training …she doesn’t appear to fit in either group! I have come to the same horrifying conclusion that I don’t really fit in. In the same way, being gay all my life but also a Christian for 24 years, I find that I can no longer live with the internal conflict between my sexual orientation and a Christian culture that views me as sick, dysfunctional or some kind of super sinner.
Look, I know, I hate to stereotype but yes it’s true what they say …that all the handsome men are gay.
I think that there would probably not be anyone in the room who would truly understand the turmoil that I’ve gone through to resolve this part of me that I’ve never spoken about it until now. Over the years my main coping mechanism is to be emotionally detached ….which is the iain you have grown to know and love. But I have grown tired of being an emotionless robot who finds it difficult to hug …and finding it increasingly difficult to do the relational parts of my job.
After 15 years, it has only since being at Charlton, I now realize that Christian education is not ready for the Iain Wallace’s of this world at this point. I tell others that Charlton has the most caring staff I have ever experienced, but it is actually here that I...
- have been told to word advertisements in a way that gay Christians won’t apply for jobs.
- have been told by a staff member that all gay people are diseased
- have read the hatred of gays in most of the job applications …and we seem to be ok with this.
- have been told by a staff member that all faggots should be shot in the head
As Christians we have been trained to be black and white. The greyer cultural issues of the Bible are treated as some sort of threat. The church has changed its position over the years often embracing a new understanding but never actually admitting we got it wrong. We have to concede that it has not been Christians but the scientists and social commentators who have helped us see new truths about God and the Bible. For example, we know now that...
-mental disorders and epilepsy are not actually demon possession
-black people do not suffer under the OT’s ‘curse of Ham”
-women ‘deserve’ the relatively recent basic privileges of voting, holding office, manage a business or a school, preach or pastor a church.
-the OT and NT’s approval of human slavery is no longer acceptable.
-there are many good reasons for divorce other than infidelity
-killing other people because they worship other gods is intolerable …yet we seem to be more okay with men holding guns than with men holding hands.
If anyone is prepared to look at ALL the research on same sex orientation and not just Christian articles and book then they would discover that some are predisposed to be attracted to the same sex. Prenatal influences seem to be the strongest research. One day the churches and Christian schools will have to accept this…maybe even say sorry?
Here is an article written by Anthony Venn Brown who is a gay Christian who was a former leader in the Assemblies of God and who started Youth Alive. He resigned from the ministry because after 22 years of doing everything to be a heterosexual Christian, realized the life he lived was more important to God than his homosexuality. If you don’t mind your theology being challenged then you might want to read it. You may actually gain a more insightful view of homosexuality
It took a white president to free black slaves. It took men in government to approve women’s equal rights. It will actually take compassionate straight Christians to start a healing in our society …a healing that Saltshakers and other Christian political groups could never initiate. If raw statistics are anything to go by there will already be gay students here at Charlton today. So what are you going to say in the classroom about homosexuality that will show the love of Jesus or will your words take them to a place of shame and fear? Male teen suicide is a tragically high statistic. It’s got to make you wonder why?? ….but gay & lesbian youth are six times more likely to commit suicide as they constantly hear condemnation from the pulpit and experience rejection by family members and abuse by their friends. Where is the love?
Look if you choose to hear nothing else this morning then at least hear these two things…
1. For us…this is not a choice.
Anyone who says that gays choose to be that way are only showing their ignorance. All you have to do is ask any gay person. Who in their right mind would purposely choose this existence? An existence to be marginalized and threatened by your very own church. To never have the opportunity to have my relationships celebrated …in the same way we are doing for Kim. Or never have the privilege to have my own children …as most of you do.
I don’t want to be hated for existing. You know, I don’t want to even be tolerated. I want to be celebrated. This was not my choice.
2. There is no answer.
Some Christians recognize that there is no choice and try to comfortably fit their theology by the common cliché “hate the sin but not the sinner”. This would assume that sexuality is just the sexual act instead of a way of being. Unfortunately many Christians have come up with the equation homosexuality = promiscuity. This is no more true than saying heterosexuality = promiscuity. My morality is a choice – my sexual orientation however isn’t. From the moment I open my eyes in the morning, every fibre in my being tells me that I’m gay…I can’t even think straight …and I am created to be in relationship …and entitled to be in love.
“Hate the sin not the sinner” is condescending and often only an excuse to hide behind prejudice and judgement.
There is no choice. There is no answer.
I’ve chosen this situation to publicly come out. Not even my parents know yet …that will be tonight’s dinner time conversation!! Where they will discover that I’m the pink sheep of the family!?!? …..I have chosen you guys because I do believe that you are actually one of the most caring groups of people I know. Regardless of some of my negative experiences…. your kindness and thoughtfulness towards me over the past two years has given me a safe place to properly work through my future plans and for me to actually come to this point of doing this speech. So thank you for being a part of my special day today.
The Iain you have known up to this point still exists. The dedication to his students and their art, the creative spirit in the lives of others, the very very dry humour …which is loved by all (isn’t that right Michael), the drinking buddy, the guy who no idea about food except for defrosting it, a good listener and a regular Mintie thrower. Look, if you have found what I’ve said difficult today then I’d prefer not to be gossiped about or be have unkind things said about me. I have for the first time in my life just started liking myself …and I no longer believe that homosexuality is a condition requiring healing! In fact, I’d like to think that if there were an anti-gay pill available that I would be content with myself enough to choose not to take it.
My preference is that if you are disgusted by my announcement and my place in this world then you can keep this to yourself. But if there is something within you which is
- proud of my step today
- proud that I haven’t killed myself
….then you’re welcome to tell whoever you want.
They say that life’s a stage …well I’m looking for a more honest and adventurous script ….and better lighting.
I may be leaving the school but I won’t be rejecting you from my world. I hope that you will not reject me. Like Sue, I also believe …that there are no mistakes in God’s economy."
hi Iain my name is Jannah Burgess.
You were my teacher at CCHS. I knew from the moment i met you that you were gay. I often wondered why it was such an issue and feared the hatred and so went into hiding, as you did. I know of other teachers from that school who were in hiding and most still are.
I am honoured to have known you and always respected you as my teacher and as a person. It saddens me that people have to hide themselves. I am sorry for the time you have lost in this struggle. I think it is freaking amazing that you are so brave to confront this issue in such a public way.
Can i tell you a funny story- I had someone tell me how terrible i am at art when i was in primary school and was excused from art all through primary school as i refused to do it. When i got to CCHS, i had to do it. You encouraged me and made me feel good about it for the first time in my life. I am now an artist and it is part of what i do with my life (among a myriad of other things). Thank you for how you affected my life and so many others... as a christian and as a gay christian...
Jannah
We live in a very small world dont we jannah. Iain has been coming to our Freedom 2 b(e) meetings for the last 6 months now.
BTW.....any change of posting your story again.......sorry i lost it. Hope you may have saved it somewhere
Thank you for telling your story Iain. What a help it will be to so many. Way to go!
What a wonderful, wonderful speech, Iain! Congratulations on your courage.
I found your speech inspirational. I would like to spread it more widely, with your name and the school's name disguised, of course.
Cheers
Mal
Nice pic Mal
thanx everyone for all your positive feedback!
yes Mal you can use the speech and no you don't have to disguise names/places etc (i'm OVER that!) lol!
...and Jannah ...what an amazing blast from the past! ...i have sent you a special (private) message!
Hi Iain,
We met at Freedom2b only recently, and I remember you saying at the 1st Birthday party that you were making a big step soon, Congratulations. I read your speech and I found it very inspiring. I want to wish you all the very best as you've taken this step and for all your future steps, may they be blessed.
Warren
Hey Wazza
yes we are very proud of our Iain.
Are you ready to put your story on our site as well?
BTW....did you get to connect with the Freedom 2 b(e) guys in the UK yet.
Hello Iain
I have just joined this forum and have known Tony for over 30 years. He mentioned your farewell speech and I thought I would join and tell you how I admire your courage
I spent a number of years teaching in a Christian school. I am heterosexual as were the other teachers (I presume, if there were any gay/lesbian they didn't "come out" )
However what I did see were other injustices done in the name of Christ..in other words bigotry and judgement
I also taught in a Catholic school where there was a gay teacher I co-taught with and I saw his soul die while he was there. He also eventually resigned and moved interstate. Wherever he is I truly hope he is happy and has found the acceptance he craved.
Be proud of who you are and know that you are loved by God and others........
Hi Iain,
I have today posted your speech to several online communities. I disguised your surname and school as privacy is quickly lost in cyberspace.
The response in only a few hours includes a "Bravo", and "I want to shake this man's hand." I have also been asked how your speech was received. How do you feel now? Has anything happened since? I think people will be interested in your story as it unfolds further.
Cheers
Mal
maybe you post some of the positive things that happened here Iain then others could read. its a question i get asked as well.
......for those in Sydney you may get to read more in the gay press.
Thank you for all your support and encouragement…you have no idea what it means to me. It’s funny how already my speech feels like another life time ago and the apprehensive man reading it is now unrecognizable …as I enjoy my new found confidence and more importantly …relaxation!!
On the whole responses have been very positive. My family had a variety of reactions from ‘you got to do what you got to do’ to ‘well, we’ve been waiting years for you to do this’. I have actually enjoyed (?) watching the responses from the Christian community. I expected to see some angry people but they have been quite civil or silent to my face …but my spies have told me that the arguments have occurred behind my back. I know that there is a saying in the gay world that “ there’s only two kinds of straight people, one’s which hate you to your face and one’s which hate you behind your back” …well I’m pleased to report that this has not been my experience thus far. I do believe the part in my speech that it will be straight people who will help to resolve our cause.
So besides the silent treatment with awkward body language, there are also those who have spoken to me with ‘very’ carefully chosen words or have preached to me the well worn fundamentalist views (I think that they think it will be an epiphany for me …like I have never heard that view point in the 24 years I’ve been a Christian!?). There are those who are very supportive and find the Christian worldview on homosexuality very uncomfortable and unfair …which is only reinforced when they now know a gay man who they have loved for years. There are those who are almost militant in their support angrily saying things such as… “this is the last issue that the Christian church needs to resolve!” …preach it sister!
I think the key for me, which I have learnt from Anthony at Freedom2be, is actually 'allowing' for the varied reactions ...giving people space to work things through ...being loving and not reactive/argumentative. In context, it's taken me 37 years to get to this point of resolution, I do not expect others (who have really no understanding at all) to get to the same point in 37 minutes!?
Really I have had many beautiful things said to me by a whole variety of people …I can’t begin to explain how it has made me feel except questioning ‘why didn’t I do this sooner!?’ No, there was something actually really right about the timing …I can’t explain that either!? So I’m typing this as NYE celebrations are being frantically organized and, like most, you reflect on your life and once upon a time my cynical friends and I would chant our ‘same as it ever was’ mantra… but now I am feeling very exited of my opportunity to ‘start again’ which includes moving to the city, finding a job ...maybe a relationship!?
I do wish to share with you one last thing and that is a touching email (below) sent to me by Jessica, an ex-student of mine, who I believe will be a famous writer one day! I want to encourage my Freedom 2 Be friends with her new observation of …“freedom is not reserved only for those who fit neatly”.
Happy 2007 and thanx again!
iain
"I want to say I am sorry. I have been truly ignorant on the depth of homosexuality and its ambiguity, and I accepted a limited view...that homosexuals choose their own sexual orientation; they live an alternate lifestyle because they are suffering or confused. For that I am truly sorry.
You have been one of the most encouraging men in my life. Not even my own father has uplifted, appreciated, stood by me and loved me the way you have...you are more man than he is.
I read something yesterday that, to me resonates the very heart and soul of what you have done...
'And seek not the depths of your knowledge with staff or sounding line.
For self is boundless and measureless.' - Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
You have discovered a fault in the world's, and Christian’s, ability to conceive the boundlessness of a human being. That freedom is not reserved only for those who fit neatly...
So I want to say to you, be proud that you do not fit the limitation man has defined itself by...
It is truly an amazing thing you have done and I don't think this world can ever supply you with the recognition you deserve...looks like you'll have to wait till heaven! Lol!
Stand tall Wallace. You are unbelievably courageous and I am thankful for the way you have challenged an age old pattern...that has now been broken.
It is an honour to know you.
Jesse jess xx"
What a powerful letter, thankyou for sharing that Alex, Jess is quite a woman. Reading what she wrote coupled with what you have shared, just broke something painful in me, I didnt even realise it what there but I can move past the years of feeling and being treated as almost sub-human, the defensiveness that becomes such a sub-conscious part of you, has lifted off of me.........For that alone I am eternally greatful, its an ongoing healing but its great to be at peace again. Funny how I just ended up thinking (again on a Sub-conscious level) that maybe I deserved any bad treatment I ever got..........
Not anymore!! I will show love toward my persecutors because they more than anyone need love, anyone who has a revelation, a true revelation of the love of God could not condemn and hate. I think the thing that will surprise people who condemn us, will be the fact that when they throw stones at us, we will pick the stones up and make a garden out of them not walls. (eg if your life is full of lemons, make lemonade )
When we even, have a true revelation of how much God loves us, the negative comments we get will fall to the ground, but in the meantime its great to have each other for support and encouragement. God IS good.
Hey Magsdee
I am so happy that these posts have been helpful for you. Jessica is truly clever in her thoughtfulness and sincerity. Her apology is really the voice of a new Christian generation, like Guy Sebastian, who may choose not to oppress but advocate.
I understand your response to your years of oppression. It can be difficult to think opposite to the well worn Christian mainstream expectations of our lives. Whether is the good news stories of a ‘coming out speech’ or ‘sharing about a new relationship’ typical reactions will obviously be like announcing that someone has died!? So, yes, it can be hard to choose not to be the victim they perceive you to be.
iain
Yep.......I think when you REALLY know that God loves you just as you are........you are unshakable
I have to share with you all a few surprising positive things I am experiencing. Yesterday I went to a ‘big’ Christian wedding where I know the majority of people (most of whom also know that I have come out). This was the first occasion where I was seeing these people since my speech. With my new found confidence, I wasn’t in any way apprehensive though I was curious of possible reactions and ready to argue my stance (in the nicest possible way!?)
There was amazing displays of love and friendship toward me. I was blown away! Many hugged & kissed me (surprisingly by many men!?) and wished me well for my new life in this new year. Some had to do the ‘I don’t believe it’s right’ dialogue but said they still cared deeply for me. Even in a wedding speech, in front of all these Christians, they referred to me by saying that I had changed their “…black and white world into spectacular shades of grey”. I got a little teary by that public acknowledgement!!
Fantastic, Iain!
I wonder if it was the same christian wedding on the central coast where the grooms father is gay. My daughter didn't go to the reception but went to the service where the gay dad particularly looked out for Hannah knowing she understands how awkward those situations can be.
I'm sure so much good will come from your brave step Iain.........not only for what its done for you but in also breaking down the walls of misinformation and misunderstanding.
No Anthony this grooms father isn't gay ...must have been a different wedding. But i must also add that i am surprised by the number of people who are starting to confide in me some of their private, sometimes tragic, stories...
AlexW, it is amazing how many people do end up confiding in you once you tell them that you are gay/lesbian. I dont quite understand why that happens.......... but it has happened to me so many times too.
I somehow think that maybe people feel that because you have come out about something that takes courage to come out in the open about, they feel safe in coming out to you about anything personal or private in their own lives.
What an honour to be trusted like that.
I think its about our willingness to be honest. when we are wiling to be that honest we create a space for others to tell the truth. When i was writing my story in new that one thing was essential......totally honesty....warts and all......even the things that made me look weak and stupid. Once i began getting constant emails from readers telling me how much they apreciated that.....and then poured out their heart to me......my publisher said she'd had never seen an authour get emails like i did. there were and still are amazing. One radio announcer thanked me for my brutal honesty.
in this world that is refreshing
....just my thoughts on what happens
We need "brutal honesty". And about creating space for people to be able to be honest and open, far out, thats a God thing..........The world hasnt got it anywhere, EVERYTHING is judged.
It breaks my heart to think how many people are in hiding out of fear of judgement. YOU have broken some ground here Anthony, God is still very much employing you as his agent of change and helping people break free of bondages (like shame, condemnation etc...)
You are helping people see that God does not come down with a big stick and bash you, if you open up and are honest about where you are at or whats going on. You are showing God to be the approachable Father who just wants to love on his kids. No matter what. We desparetely need to know that.
we do what we can........i believe we are turning the tide. Iget calls and emails for people in Pentecostal churches all the time who say they are 'struggling' with thier homosexuality. The more of us who are willing to stand up and be counted the quicker things will change......Iain is a great example of that. So much postive stuff has come from his empowered coming out.
.....and of course getting our brother and sister heterosexuals on board is also a key.
yes Iain is a great testimony ) .............and its true we need have more of our hetrosexual brothers and sisters onboard. I am positive it will happen more and more.............It really is quite exciting. )
Hey Iain,
It sounds like there was a very powerful moment in that staff room that day. Perhaps somthing that may change the course of history at that school. And I hope you get to see the fruit of it yourself.
I too am a teacher only I have just finished unit and taught my first year at a Christian school near Lake Maquarie. I really feel called to continue to teach in the Christian school system. Actually I hope it is safe for me to put my name on this forum. Anyway.
I was on a one year contract at this school because i am not from their particular breed of Christian. They have not renewed my contract despite my excellent results, and say that it is because I am not from their church community. The girl who is taking my position is the head master's step daughter, interviewed and employed before i had the chance to re-apply, and after trying really hard to get 'one of their own', have employed an Anglican teacher in the part time position that has been hard to fill. There are numerous other teachers there who are also not part of their community.
I know it is because of what the community have been saying about my sexuality that has stirred them to stand against me as a teacher in their school system. The principal of the school asked many staff members behind my back if I were gay, most of whom are not close to me and would never have made a point of it before. It also got back to me that the governing body of the schools will not employ me under any circumstances - and that perhaps they passed this message onto other schools in the area.
A fresh, skilled and enthusiatic teacher, applying for every position I am suitable for since September, and still no job. Hmmmm.
Anyway, in spite of this experience, there are many on staff who have been very supportive of me. I have never given a statement, because unfortunatly the Church is not in a place where Christians can be human beings. Sounds retarded. And it is. But I actually have been able to reconcile that, and unless I cling to little minority groups, that will be my experience. I sure do hope for change in the way even some of the secular people view us, but I will live strong anyway.
I will write more of my story out and post it later, but Jesus is Lord of us. Our role, not really as gays, but as believers, is to teach people compassion and acceptance by showing it.
It is so great that there is a forum like this where we can all be supported and energised for the upward cause of Christ.
God Bless Iain. I hope you go back to teaching. You are obviously really good at it and are truely making a difference.
Regards,
Phil
I will write more of my story out and post it later, but Jesus is Lord of us. Our role, not really as gays, but as believers, is to teach people compassion and acceptance by showing it.It is so great that there is a forum like this where we can all be supported and energised for the upward cause of Christ.
That is so true Phil, we do need to teach or be examples of love, compassion and acceptance by showing it. Their is no other way. Fighting and argueing achieves nothing. Its great that we have this place and many others where we can support and uphold one another.
its awesome that you shared with us.........Bless you for your courage. The Lord will stand for you and with you through all this.
Hey Phil
Yeah, it was a strangely powerful moment …strange because, in a sense, I think that I have actually empowered my staff. Does that make sense? My initial drafts were understandably ‘heavy handed’ (…which was good therapy for me!? Lol!) but others helped me to develop a speech which could be, as Anthony puts it, a “beautiful experience for everyone”. I have very quickly seen some amazing fruit from it already!
I have discovered in my 15 years teaching in Christian schools that each school can be VERY different and, like all schools, has its positives and negatives but I do believe that Christian schools have more advantages than disadvantages. One of the positives being a remarkably caring educational environment …ironically in the face of your recent experiences!
If you were not re-employed due to your sexual preference then, we know, this is not right. But, as you know, because Christian schools are exempt from the Anti-discrimination Act then it is actually their “right” to not employ you …and me. They also have a very tight network, so word about your sexual preference (as well as mine!) may have already spread thick and fast …dare I say, maybe on a ‘prayer chain’?
Yes, Freedom 2 Be has great forums! I have found that going to the monthly meetings with the guys and girls has been one of the key supports for me to be able to get to this point …not just ‘unscathed’ but successfully!
Hope your journey is equally as successful!
iain
ps. love the Shakespearean quote!
hey Phil......welcome to your frist post in our forum.......or should I say your forum. Even though we have spoken on email I didn't realise what you had recently been going through.
it seems criminal that in this day and age that christian schools are allowed to not hire someone......not becuase they are a poor teacher but because of the sexual orientation..........and i believe that my tax payer $$$$$ help fund that kind of discrimation.
Hi Iain
I just want to tell you how much I appreciated reading Your Story on the website, and how much it touched me.
You are one of the most courageous men for standing up for who you are in front of your whole staff. (I wish I had been a fly on the wall). I'm so proud of you, yet I don't even know you, although after reading such a great story and an insight to the man you truly are from your student Jess I guess I now feel I have known you for ever.
I received your story via a friend of mine, and he has recently been put off from a Christian School, not so far from Charlton. I am parent of the school where he taught and was outraged from their behaviour, as he was such a great teacher and the students just loved him. I witnessed his professionalism and how the students and he related together at a school camp where I was a parent helper for the week.
I am a Christian, and unfortunately belong to the denomination that did not renew his contract.
I support all the gay christian people I know and love them for the person they were born to be.
After a short email to Anthony I have become a memeber, and sent the info to my gay friends and non gay friends to encourage them also to join and lets make a stand together for one of acceptance, love & respect, because that is how Jesus would want us to treat each other.
God Bless you in what ever your decide to do with your career!
Yours faithfully
Dancing Queen
P.S Yes I'm the biggest ABBA fan hence my user name on the forum
Goooooooooooo Iain......we are so proud of you.
Anthony Venn-Brown
Co-founder & Convenor - Freedom 2 b[e]
Author of 'A Life of Unlearning': http://www.anthonyvennbrown.com/book.html
Blog: http://alifeofunlearning.blogspot.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/gayambassador